The pursuit of bliss.

Remember how I wrote you guys about a week ago about how I had a panic attack and it was like the most humiliating, awful, scary experience? Remember how you were all so nice? Remember how some of you [a lot more than I would have guessed] have been through similar experiences and you told me about them and I felt way better and more normal?

Yeah. Thanks :)

Seriously.

Since that horrible day I have felt so good. Well, not right away. I kind of cried straight for the two days following but whose counting? After that though, I felt like a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders. I was completely over it. It was like my body was getting out all of that tension and anxiety.

I'm a big believer that typically when you have a bad attitude about life or "in a rut", it's your attitude that needs the adjustement and not your life. However, this time, my life needed some adjusting too. I figure if things are making me crazy enough to have a panic attack, something needs to change.

That night I decided I was going to do whatever needed to be done to make sure it never happened again. This began with dropping that class. Yes. I dropped biochemistry. No. I am not a failure. Aside from the fact that my teacher is crazy and for example didn't even curve a test with a 55% average, I simply had too much on my plate.I've also decided to take my complaint to the department. I feel like not sticking up for myself and my passive personality somewhat contributes to my anxiety. I want to start having more of a say.

 My therapist tells me to picture trying to fit a thanksgiving feast, whole turkey, pumpkin pie and all, on a single serving plate. Obviously, there's no way it can fit. You wouldn't get mad at the plate for not being able to hold it all. It's not the plate's fault. You would break up the food into more manageable portions. Same with our schedules. I simply had too much on my plate. Remember when I got meningitis and I felt like Heavenly Father (God) was trying to tell me to simplify my life? This was that time a billion. I thought I had listened, but I guess not well enough!
Let me tell you...since I dropped that class, I feel like I can breathe! I added another class in it's place, but it's nowhere near the same workload. My schedule is still very difficult, but at least now I feel it's possible.

Anyway. I also decided that this was my body's way of saying, "oh hey! In your quest for learning about nutrition to help other people be healthy don't forget to take care of me!" So this was when my idea of

self-care goals

was born.

Here are a few.

(1) Work out minimum 3 times a week. No, this does not count running for the train which I do almost every day. I felt 3 was a manageable number. I want it to be achievable. I want to shoot for higher, but don't want to get stressed out if I don't get to it every day. I'm a firm believer in treating your body right to feel good. Exercise is a big part of that. Holla for da endorphins!

(2) Don't get less than 6 hours of sleep two night in a row. I know to some of you that's a lot, but I'm an 8 hour a night girl. I've always been a sleeper. Always the first to bed and the last up. It's okay though, because I think I get more done in my day than most. However if I dont get enough sleep, I'm not productive. Sometimes sleep is the best use of time.

(3) Do at least one stress free thing with Clint over the weekend. One weekend me and Clint decided to forego date night and stay in and study. That next week was the WORST. Seriously, sometimes you need stress relievers to be more productive.  

(4) Keep the apartment clean. I might be stressed trying to study, but I'm definitely going to be stressed if our apartment looks like a tornado went through it.

(5) Do something for myself every day. It can be as small as reading a chapter in my book, watching a 20 minute modern family episode, taking a walk, or as big as a movie or a few hours with a friend. I know those might sound like things you do anyway, but there's something different about telling yourself, okay, this is time to do what I want and not feel guilty.

I have more, but those are the ones I feel like sharing. Let me tell you, since I have implemented this, I feel so so so good! It's not like my life is easy now and butterflies follow me around and elves do my homework [?], I just feel like I can handle it. Let me tell you...that is a great feeling! I'm so happy. I'm so happy that I get to see my sweetheart every day. I'm so happy that I am one of the fortunate ones that get a shot at higher education, as difficult as the path I have chosen may be. I'm so happy that I have so many incredible friends that love and accept me. I'm so happy that the wonderful holiday season is coming. I'm so happy that I have the gospel of Jesus Christ in my life to give me strength and show me perspective. I'm so happy that I have a job, a car, a place to lay my head, and food in my cabinets. I'm so happy that I have a body healthy enough to dance, hike, and run. Basically, I'm really happy. Now that I feel like I have somewhat of a grasp on things, it's so easy to find a thousand reasons to be happy. 

I guess Ferris was right.  

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