Wednesday, March 9, 2011

I get it now.

I don't like silence. I always like to have the tv on or the radio on. I'm not too picky as to what's making noise, as long as there's something. Today when I came downstairs to heat up my soup, I turned on the tv, already turned onto Oprah. They had a country musician on and he played this song.
I might have started to cry a little bit. I swear, being sick makes you emotional. I thought about how untrusting I have been in Heavenly Father. I haven't cared what he wanted and knew what was best. I am frustrated. I want to go to school and work and be healthy. I'm tired of taking medicine. I'm tired of feeling horrible. I'm tired of putting my entire life on hold. This song reminded me of how I need to have more faith. I don't know why this is happening. Maybe if I graduated at my normally scheduled time, I wouldn't have gotten the internship I want so badly. Maybe Clint and I are meant to strive through school together. Maybe I am being saved for something better. In any event, my illness could be much worse then it was. For that I can at least be grateful.

Thinking of this reminded me of a dream I had a few nights ago. I don't remember much of the dream other than seeing flashes of different faces that I didn't recognize. They all said the same thing. "Of things that matter most." Of course, I was reminded of this talk in the latest general conference. Watch the whole thing here:

I drew a connection between the two. I need to trust Heavenly Father and simplify my life. Is it possible that because I wouldn't listen to the direction to simplify my life that Heavenly Father "made" me by putting my life on pause with health trials? My life sure is simple now. Maybe the purpose of this is for me to simplify my life and reassess my priorities. The purpose of trials is to bring us closer to Heavenly Father and the person we are meant to be right? Maybe he is blessing me with this trial in reminding me about what is important. One thing is for sure, from now on I'll do my best to be grateful for this trial. I'm not going to make promises that I'll never complain a little bit about the pain or frustrations, but I'll do my best. Instead of thinking why is this happening, I can think how can I overcome it? and what am I to learn from it?

"Be still and know that I am God."

4 comments:

LaynahRose said...

Too true. What a great post.

ashley.warner said...

I love your optimism.
"Be still and know that I am God" is sometimes exactly what we need to hear.

God has a different plan for you, different than what you may want for yourself. However, I know that if you trust in him, everything will work out the way it's supposed to.

You are a lovely lady and deserve the best. Thanks for making me cry (i tend to do that)

MJ said...

That song always makes me cry.

very inspiring. exactly what I needed today :)

angela hardison said...

love uchtdorf. when he speaks, i feel it go right to my heart.

hope you're feeling better soon.