Thursday, October 13, 2011

The pursuit of bliss.

Remember how I wrote you guys about a week ago about how I had a panic attack and it was like the most humiliating, awful, scary experience? Remember how you were all so nice? Remember how some of you [a lot more than I would have guessed] have been through similar experiences and you told me about them and I felt way better and more normal?

Yeah. Thanks :)
Since that horrible day I have felt so good. Well, not right away. I kind of cried straight for the two days following but whose counting? After that though, I felt like a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders. I was completely over it. It was like my body was getting out all of that tension and anxiety.

I'm a big believer that typically when you have a bad attitude about life or "in a rut", it's your attitude that needs the adjustement and not your life. However, this time, my life needed some adjusting too. I figure if things are making me crazy enough to have a panic attack, something needs to change.

That night I decided I was going to do whatever needed to be done to make sure it never happened again. This began with dropping that class. Yes. I dropped biochemistry. No. I am not a failure. Aside from the fact that my teacher is crazy and for example didn't even curve a test with a 55% average, I simply had too much on my plate.I've also decided to take my complaint to the department. I feel like not sticking up for myself and my passive personality somewhat contributes to my anxiety. I want to start having more of a say.
 My therapist tells me to picture trying to fit a thanksgiving feast, whole turkey, pumpkin pie and all, on a single serving plate. Obviously, there's no way it can fit. You wouldn't get mad at the plate for not being able to hold it all. It's not the plate's fault. You would break up the food into more manageable portions. Same with our schedules. I simply had too much on my plate. Remember when I got meningitis and I felt like Heavenly Father (God) was trying to tell me to simplify my life? This was that time a billion. I thought I had listened, but I guess not well enough!
Let me tell you...since I dropped that class, I feel like I can breathe! I added another class in it's place, but it's nowhere near the same workload. My schedule is still very difficult, but at least now I feel it's possible.

Anyway. I also decided that this was my body's way of saying, "oh hey! In your quest for learning about nutrition to help other people be healthy don't forget to take care of me!" So this was when my idea of
self-care goals
was born.

Here are a few.
(1) Work out minimum 3 times a week. No, this does not count running for the train which I do almost every day. I felt 3 was a manageable number. I want it to be achievable. I want to shoot for higher, but don't want to get stressed out if I don't get to it every day. I'm a firm believer in treating your body right to feel good. Exercise is a big part of that. Holla for da endorphins!
(2) Don't get less than 6 hours of sleep two night in a row. I know to some of you that's a lot, but I'm an 8 hour a night girl. I've always been a sleeper. Always the first to bed and the last up. It's okay though, because I think I get more done in my day than most. However if I dont get enough sleep, I'm not productive. Sometimes sleep is the best use of time.
(3) Do at least one stress free thing with Clint over the weekend. One weekend me and Clint decided to forego date night and stay in and study. That next week was the WORST. Seriously, sometimes you need stress relievers to be more productive.  
(4) Keep the apartment clean. I might be stressed trying to study, but I'm definitely going to be stressed if our apartment looks like a tornado went through it.
(5) Do something for myself every day. It can be as small as reading a chapter in my book, watching a 20 minute modern family episode, taking a walk, or as big as a movie or a few hours with a friend. I know those might sound like things you do anyway, but there's something different about telling yourself, okay, this is time to do what I want and not feel guilty.

I have more, but those are the ones I feel like sharing. Let me tell you, since I have implemented this, I feel so so so good! It's not like my life is easy now and butterflies follow me around and elves do my homework [?], I just feel like I can handle it. Let me tell you...that is a great feeling! I'm so happy. I'm so happy that I get to see my sweetheart every day. I'm so happy that I am one of the fortunate ones that get a shot at higher education, as difficult as the path I have chosen may be. I'm so happy that I have so many incredible friends that love and accept me. I'm so happy that the wonderful holiday season is coming. I'm so happy that I have the gospel of Jesus Christ in my life to give me strength and show me perspective. I'm so happy that I have a job, a car, a place to lay my head, and food in my cabinets. I'm so happy that I have a body healthy enough to dance, hike, and run. Basically, I'm really happy. Now that I feel like I have somewhat of a grasp on things, it's so easy to find a thousand reasons to be happy. 

I guess Ferris was right.  


Suze said...

Good for you!! I think it's really important to self-advocate. And I like those take care of you goals too! I'm glad you're feeling better.

katilda said...

just looking at ferris bueller's face made me feel good. And i LOVED the analogy about thanksgiving...and not just because i love thanksgiving...but because yeah, no one would be mad at the plate. i need to remember this.

Seth + Carlie said...

I love the idea of self-care goals! It is great that they are working for you.

Ali said...

You are amazing! I'm proud of you for taking back some control of your life (I need to take a leaf out of your book) Thanks so much for sharing!!

P.S. I love Ferris Bueller!

Stephanie said...

LOVE it! Good for you! I think it's so hard to just simplify life, but then you realize you just have to take care of YOU!

I had panic attacks for a long time and they were awful... it took me awhile to figure out what to change in my life to stop them, but it sounds like you are well on your way! Very awesome and very exciting!

Hope you had a great Thursday! XOXO, Stephanie @ Blonde Highlights

Katie said...

i think i need to take a leaf out of your book. seriously, you are such a good example to me right now. i think i might steal one (or possibly even all) of your self-care goals. and thank you for your comment on my blog. i really appreciated it. i am so glad you're feeling so much better!

LeAhnna said...

so i just want to say this is the best post i have read in a long time. i'm kind of on the same page with school, except since it's just my freshman year i am not even used to all this craziness. i haven't had a panic attack yet, but i have been close to hysterics a couple of times.

i'm pretty sure i'm going to copy your list and implement in my life, like, tomorrow. because it's that awesome. and it's doable. i am such a perfectionist and i'd rather not do something at all if i can't do it just right all the time. but that's not good for me and i know it. so you've definitely inspired me, and i just wanted to say thanks. loves!

life in a nutshell

Emma Frances said...

Good for you!! :] I'm so happy that things are getting better! And this is gonna get me motivated to set some goals!

Amy @ amy day to day said...

Glad you are feeling better! Your goals are great!

Janna Renee said...

I have to do this too...and I also have to remember to turn to the hubs...I often feel like that's admitting defeat and then I remember that we are a team and we get to face the world together, which also means that he is there to help me carry the load!

Kaycie- Redhead Memories said...

These are the posts that make me so grateful for the blogging community. I loved reading this and want to implement similar principles! Thanks for sharing and inspiring :)

Angela of "Grahangela" said...

I do therapeutic work and have had many clients with anxiety. These are excellent goals! I love that they're achievable and with purpose. It's so important to do at least one thing, even if it's small, that's fun and for yourself each day. Best of luck and thank you for sharing your story! I'm sure it will help so many!

And a big thanks for stopping by my blog! Now following!


Chelsea said...

I love this a million times over. I was like, fist pumping in agreement. Ha ha.

I need to pay attention to that leetle list you made--and do the same. Especially with the exercise part. I'm so much calmer when I take time for that!

You da best. I am so glad that you are feeling better.

Lili said...

That's a very good plan! Glad you are feeling good again :-)

Relatable Style

Lindsay R said...

Good for you!! I have made the sleep thing a gOal for myself as well. It is amazing what sleep can do!

Good luck with keeping these goals. I'm sure they will only do good.


ashley.warner said...

If you don't stick up for yourself, who will?! You go girl!! I'm so sorry you went through a bad experience, but you are one tough lady!! I hope you are aware of that! Lots of LOVE from me to you!!!!

Sara Shoemaker said...

I went back and read that post about your attack and my heart just goes out to you hun! I cannot believe how horrid that teacher was to you, I would definitely report that too. Don't be embarrassed, anxiety attacks are a very real and very widespread epidemic I think. I'm so glad you feel better now and as usual have found such a Positive way to look at life! I want to think more like you, thanks for inspiring me! :)

The House of Shoes

Annie said...

Good for you! Sometimes you just need to ditch that nightmare of a class. and there is NO reason to feel bad about it.
I totally had a crazy busy bad week last week too. I jsut felt like I had so much to do and not enough time to do it. and I am probably gonna still be playing catch up this week. But I am trying also to take time for me and not overwork myself!