On Moving

In case you haven't been around, we moved to a little town outside of San Jose, California. It was really sudden. We made the decision we were moving sometime around August 1st, then we were out of town until the 6th, then we moved on the TWENTY-THIRD. 

It's been insane. 

Almost as insane as my baby is cute.

Mostly, I was really excited about moving. I have been in such a rut, I wlecomed the chance to start over. I thought the move would be a fun adventure. I thought it would feel exciting. 

It has been exciting. And fun. But it's also been pretty lonely. 

I didn't really expect that. 

To be honest, I think I was under the misconception that moving would solve all my problems and somehow all the things I wanted to change about my life would be changed in an instant. I don't know why I thought that. Maybe a coping mechanism?

Somehow I'd magically lose the 18 extra pounds I've been killing myself to GETTHEHECKOFFOFME since Ainsley was born.

Suddenly I'd be the perfect homemaker, making beautiful meals from scratch and have a perfectly organized pantry. Maybe my movies would even be alphabetized. You know, just the important things in life.

Ainsley would start sleeping. 

My PPD would vanish.

I'd make tons of life-long friends that I instantly felt connected to. 

I would all of a sudden like working out. (HA. What was I thinking...)

I would have lots of energy. 

I would be the perfectly put together mom complete with make-up and combed hair (that rarely happens...especially together). 

Sleep would come easily and the bags under my eyes would disappear.

My attention span would last longer than the time it takes to say "C is for Cookie" three times fast. 

I would finally get around to all the stuff I wanted to do. (I know. Just a few posts ago I wrote about how you don't have to do it all now. Turns out I'm not perfect at taking my own advice. Go figure.)

(our neighborhood. Isn't it beautiful?)

Well....none of those things have happened. I'm working towards them, but the move wasn't a magical fix. Sometimes life is hard. My easy button is broken, goshdanggit.

But, there have been a lot of great things about the move. My husband is happy and loves his job. I know that I have enough money to pay for groceries. We have a very old, but perfect for our needs home. The weather is amazing here. Most people are nice, who cares if they're all over the age of 75? (no really). The move has strengthened our marriage. There are so many fun things to do here. Have I mentioned that it's beautiful?

Basically, if we had to move, this is about as good as it can get. 

Someone gave me some really good advice recently. He told me to envision what you want your life to be, and then make it happen. It's not happening all at once, but I'm working towards my goals. I've really tried to be proactive about meeting people. I've been going to events in the area. I've tried to talk to new people (Totally out of my comfort zone). I'm really trying to be organized and change out of sweat pants every once in awhile. (points for me!)

I don't know why I'm writing this. Maybe just to say moving is hard? Still, I'm really grateful for the opportunity. Mostly, I'm grateful to have my two best friends by my side no matter what. Man, I love those people. I feel so blessed.

Ch-Ch-Chaaaanges...in marriage

I had heard having a baby changes your marriage. 

Maybe I didn't hear it enough, maybe I didn't believe it, or maybe nothing would have prepared me for the changes!

Ah, another change having a baby brings. 

In some ways, the timing of Ainsley's birth was great, but in a lot of ways it was tough. She was born on the 4th day of school of Clint's last semester before graduation! He was only able to take a day off of school to help me after she was born. 

Taking care of a newborn (me) is a more than full time job and so is taking a full load of engineering courses and working (him). We kicked into survival mode and Clint did what he needed to, and I did what I needed to. 

The early days were really tough with Ainsley. She was a tough baby. My days became an endless blur of painful nursing sessions, dirty diapers, laundry, minimal sleep, and lots of crying, mostly from her. 

Clint's days were full of schoolschoolschool!! And a little working. The poor guy was insanely stressed and busy. I don't know if he went to bed before 2am the whole semester!

To say the least, we were divided. We lost our team we had spent the two previous years building. Instead of Clint and I, it was now Clint and School or Me and Ainsley. 

I honestly thought the partnership between my husband and I had ended. 

I felt my marriage full of love, respect, and adoration was over. 

Now I was a mother, and that was all I was going to be. 

Because we weren't receiving the love from each other we desired, we both began to resent each other a wee bit.

The PPD was intense. I was feeling worthless, ugly, not worthy of love. My life felt meaningless. This doesn't leave a lot of energy for doing things like writing love notes to my husband.

Clint and I have always had an incredible marriage. Really, I think it's exceptionally good. I was heartbroken that by doing what we were supposed to and having a baby, our marriage was so damaged. Making each other happy had always come natural, but now we had to work for it. 

I'm not sure how old Ainsley was, but I know it was more than two months, when Clint and I finally had a talk. You know, I think it was the first time since she was born that we had a real, heartfelt talk. We talked for hours, tears were sheds, needs addressed. It was the best thing we could have done for our marriage. I was unaware Clint felt abandoned and he didn't know I was feeling the same. We told each other how we felt, what we needed from each other, etc. We have had to have many follow-up talks since. We've tried to make going on dates occasionally a priority. We came up with a plan of when and how we would make time for each other. We put more effort into showing one another our love. 

It's getting better. A lot better. It's almost back to normal. It has taken work but it is so worth it. I'm a huge fan of marriage and I really believe just about any issue can be talked through. I'm really grateful to have such a kind husband and sweet baby. It has been a hard time in my life, but they truly make my life better. 

Marci Dawn Photography: https://www.facebook.com/pages/Marci-Dawn-Photography/351726558190568

p.s. I had Clint read this before I posted it. I intend to be honest but never to incriminate my husband. He is 100% supportive of this blog. He really is an incredible husband. 

Two

Two is a small number. 

It's only one more than one, afterall. 

It sounds so small, but it seems so big to me, in some cases.

I can't remember when two used to be zero. 

Two is really 365+365, when talking about years. 

365 is a big number, right?

Clint and I have been married for two years (as of last month). 

That's 731 days, since last year was a leap year. 

It's been such an adventure, a learning adventure. 

Things have been difficult lately, but there's no one I'd rather spend my life with. Clint isn't perfect. He's human. He has flaws just like Joe Shmoe over there, but he's perfect for me. I love what a solid partnership we have. We act as a team. We're each others' biggest cheerleader. We pick each other up. We love. We care. We are goobers. We support each other. We admit when we're wrong (eventually). We get frustrated. We get hurt. We forgive. We kiss. We share experiences. We are parents together. We wipe each others' tears. We laugh. 

But mostly, we're totally in love with each other. 

I love the twenty-first of May

My Dreams Came True

This last weekend Clint, Ainsley and I packed up and left for California. 

It was a trip well deserved. 

We were celebrating Clint's graduation, my graduation, our anniversary, Mother's Day, and overall just still being alive after this past year or so. 

Spending all day with my two favorite people was a dream come true! 

We stayed with my sister and her family which was awesome since we miss the heck out of them since they moved a year and a half ago.

We ate lots of good food, played on the beach, played at the park, had a bonfire on the beach, and my sister and I even got to go shopping without any kids for the first time (that I can remember) in over five years! 

We only took some photos at the beach, so feast yer eyes!

(we also watched Brave)

 Clint and Josh suiting up for surfing....and an adorable little girl...and boy!

 Jenna and Josh making eyes at each other

 Max wanted to surf with the big boys!

 Poor little guy

 This picture makes me laugh. He's so cute!

 My hottie sister and Ainsley

 The waves weren't great but the boys did good!

 Me and Ainsley just chilled on the beach and mostly tried not to get sunburned! We were successful! I love my little beach baby. It was so fun to have her along on this trip.

 Just the coolest family ever. If you don't have red hair in your family I feel bad for you.

 Just the cutest baby ever mad chillin on the beach!

 CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT FACE?!???

 My sister watched Ainsley for a few hours so Clint and I could walk along the beach together and browse some shops. I can't believe how lucky I am so have such a kick butt husband! He's also easy on the eyes, eh?

My cute family! I finally broke down and bought some pants that fit (as my Mother's Day gift to myself!) and as you can see by the big stain on them, motherhood has already taken their toll on them. But man, I wish I would have done this sooner. Even though I don't love how I look in them, it feels SO nice to have pants that fit! I finally feel like I have an outfit that I don't look frumpy in. It was a good investment!

We had such a great time. I'm a big believer that vacations and doing fun, quality things together is an investment into the family relationships. After such a hard year, it was so nice to get to spend time enjoying my family and doing fun things together. I'm so blessed to be a wife and mother to these two. I wouldn't have it any other way! 

An Outfit

Today is a very special day. Why? Because of an outfit. It feels silly to post about an outfit considering I haven't posted about a million other things far more important that have happened over the past 2.5 months (my baby is growing too fast!)!!!

 It's a cute outfit right?

 And an even cuter baby.

 The outfit isn't just special to me because it contains two of my favorite things: polka dots and yellow! This was the outfit I bought when I first found out I was pregnant. I knew my baby was a girl when I found out I was pregnant. Actually, I have known my oldest would be a girl for years. So why is the outfit special? I bought the outfit in the midst of morning sickness when the thought of this little girl seemed like little more than a dream. Now, after suffering through 9 months of almost daily puking, heartburn, sciatica, fatigue, etc, a 22 hour labor and over 2 hours of pushing, my little dream has come true. I couldn't be happier.

I'm positive a mom has never loved her baby more.

How my husband saved my life.

When I quit my job I didn't know what that would mean for my blog, considering the only time I blogged was during downtime at work. 

The answer so far: I never blog, ha!

Hopefully I'll get into a routine and be able to keep it up. Is there anything you want to hear about? 

Tonight, though, I want to tell you a story of how my husband saved my life. I don't want to forget it! 

In one of my classes, we were to interview someone in a specific dietetic practice group and present on what we learned. The DPG I chose was Nutrition Education for the Public. It's pretty small. Our teacher told us we should have no problem finding someone, so I wasn't that worried about it. The assignment was due 3 weeks after it was given. I started right away e-mailing people. I would send a batch of about 3 emails out, wait a few days, then send 3 or so more. Basically I had e-mailed a bunch of people with no response. A week before the assignment was due, I got a response from someone saying they were willing to answer my questions. I sent them my questions and didn't hear anything back for several days. I sent out several more e-mails just in case. I wasn't too worried thought because I thought I had found someone. The day before my assignment was due, I e-mailed her to confirm she received my questions and she responded right away saying that she had and then she asked me some questions. I answered then never heard anything back. I even e-mailed again. I knew I wasn't going to get a response from her in time, so I sent out a few more e-mails and asked everyone I knew! No luck! I sent my teacher an e-mail explaining the situation and she responded saying that I would have to take a zero for the assignment. Since the class is out of so little points and this is our biggest project, it put me in serious danger of failing. I called Clint, full on ugly crying, to tell him what had happened. I had a presidency meeting to go to that night so I was unable to try and work more solutions. I didn't see Clint until fairly late and we went to bed pretty soon after I got home. 

 Clint woke me up at 6am the next morning telling me he had someone for me to interview. Wait, what?! He had e-mailed a random person the night before on a whim. Whaddya know, she was part of this DPG and was willing to be interviewed. She sent her phone number and I called right away! With several hours before my class, I was able to finish most of my assignment!!!!!!!

I know Heavenly Father certainly had a role to play in this simple miracle for which I am grateful, but I'm so thankful for a husband who is willing to do what he can as well. It might be simple to some people, but it meant so much to me. Clint knows how important school is to me and is so supportive of me accomplishing this dream. All cheese aside, I can honestly say my husband is my hero. 

Single ladies, find your hero and don't let them go. Married ladies, believe in your husbands to be your hero. And that's probably the best advice I could give. 

So in love with this goofy boy!

p.s. thanks for letting me share my cheese ;)

top ten

Top ten things I'm thankful for.

1) Heavenly Father must be blessing me with patience. Seriously, it's a wonder I haven't screamed from all the people telling me my stomach is too big. Right now the new thing is something like "There's no WAY you're making it to your due date. Look how big your stomach is."

2) Halloween is like, really really really soon. Which is just wondaful! You can scroll down for my post on how great Halloween is. Would you like a hint on my costume this year? No one got it with my hints last year. Riddle me this bloggers:

You know how everyone does pictures by signs like this to announce they're pregnant? It's something like that.

3) I just recently discovered the wonder of the Backstreet Boys Pandora station. My life is forever changed. Also, how in the flippin world did it take me so long to add that station?!

4) I am LOVING the weather right now. Driving to work today it was 69. Arizona is wonderful. I would say everyone should move here, but I'm not a fan of traffic.

5) Tomorrow I am THIRTY weeks. This is great, because 30 sounds so much further than 29, and heaven knows I'm ready for this bun to be out of the oven.

6) I went to my first blog meet up last night! It was so fun and much less awkward than I anticipated. I'm really grateful for blogging. It's been great for me! I seriously feel so close to some of my friends I've made through it!

7) EIGHT WEEKS TIL GRADUATION!!!!!!! I'm so so so so so so soooooo excited!

8) Today is my last day of work. It was a hard decision for me to make, but I know it was the right one. I'll miss the great people I've developed relationships here (I've been here 2.5 years), but I'm grateful to be making times for the more important things in life and hopefully not always run around like a chicken with my head cut off.

9) So grateful for my sweet little girl. She already brings so much joy into our lives. It's so crazy having to wait so long for her. I just discovered what it's like! It's like having the anticipation of Christmas Eve every day. I'm JUST SO EXCITED!!!!!!!!

10) Obviously I would be ungrateful if I didn't mention my rockstar husband. He is such a hard worker and so sweet to me. Now I believe in happy, wonderful, full-of-love marriages that last forever. I still feel just as lucky as I did on our wedding day. Plus, he's super hot. Check it out.

The end! What are you grateful for? If you do a post, leave me the URL so I can check it out (someday).

That's for being so great!!!

Happenings, thoughts, and Everything else.

Oh look! You're still here!

Even after my super ultra awkward pictures?

Go ahead and give yourself a pat on the back. And if you have easy access to a cookie, go ahead and have one of those too. 

So life is super crazy right now. I wasn't aware you could be simultaniously so stressed and happy at the same time. Just livin the dream peeps!

There's a lot of things on my mind.

For starters, why don't I have a cookie in my hand right now? Life is hard.

Secondly, my husband is the greatest. Last night he told me from the back I still look just as thin as before. A stretch? Probably! Instead of making sure he noticed an obvious absence of a waist, I thanked him and hugged him and kissed him, because that's what you do with husbands.

Today one of my professors told us that if we survive his class we should make T-shirts. I can see it now...."I survived Dr. Martin's Nutrition Assessment 446 from Hell. Autographs $5."

I thought it was hilarious. That is all.

I mopped and swept the floors today and it was exponentially harder than the last time I did it. This belly gets in the way. The sciatica is worse. Fatigue is going up and up. How's a girl supposed to catch a break, eh?!

Also...I see you judging me for not cleaning my floors for almost two weeks. You just go ahead and knock it off!

Ainsley goes crazy like....all the darn time. Party. Animal. Either she moves a ton in her sleep...or she doesn't sleep. It's distracting. Sometimes it wakes me up. Sometimes I just stare at my belly. It's crazy to see my belly make waves or to see big thumps on it. A few weeks ago I balanced a pencil on my belly and watched her kick it off. To me it looks like she's knocking..."Mom, can I come out yet?!" No baby girl, no. Not until the afternoon of December 21st (my graduation day). Then feel free. Except for days 23-26. Christmas has claimed them.

I am really stressed. I mentioned that before didn't I? Balancing work, school (which is insane!), my calling, being crazy sick, my daily 2.5-3 hour commute, cleaning the house, cooking and a billion other things are taking their toll. The other day I had to give a presentation in class but I was vomiting. I worked through the presentation shaky, sweaty, and with watery eyes. It was kind of sad for me to feel like I can't do it. It's hard to know what to do at this point. I don't know if it's best for me to quit work. Can we even afford that? Maybe I need to start volunteering. If I want an internship it's absolutely crucial I get experience like, yesterday. What's best for our family in the long run? What will keep my sanity? Actually, that last question probably doesn't have any possible answers....ha!

I am sooooo so so so so excited for the holidays! I'm crazy about holidays. If I had it my way, my house would be the one in the paper with the best Christmas lights. My house around Halloween would turn into a cute, spooky haunted house. Valentine's would be a month long affair if I had it my way. First, Halloween. I love Halloween. The only decoration I have is a cute witch that hangs on the door but I'm dying to get her out :)

I want pizza.

I graduate soon.

I love my husband.

The end.

You kind of actually agree with me?

It's not really a secret that Clint and I don't share a lot of common interests.

I'd listen to classic oldies or 90s music over just about anything where Clint prefers screamo music. Yes, my clean cut handsome husband prefers music that screams and bangs things together.

I love sports, especially if it's football, but I'm not even sure Clint could name another position besides quarterback. (props go to Clint for going to a Dbacks game with me last week!!!)

I like to dance to the music, Clint rather play the music.

I could list our differences for ages, and I know I've told you guys some of them before. Secret: I actually love that we're so different. Especially because we share the same values (working hard, education, eating good food, etc), the interests don't seem like a big deal. Our kids are so lucky. They can learn to play bass, dance like a champ, and appreciate all kinds of music. Count your blessings, Miss Ainsley.

Anyway. So last night after Clint and I got home from one of my friends' reception, we were sitting on the bed trying to decide what movie to go see tomorrow (which is today). I like girl movies. I don't like the overly cheesy ones like....say, Letters to Juliet (I mean no criticism if you like it!), but I'm a sucker for a good romantic comedy (License to Wed is one of my favorites, even though no one has ever heard of it). Clint is a good sport, but I know when we go to girl movies in the theater, he thinks it's a waste of time/money/sound systems/guy stuff. Last night we were trying to decide between The Words and Premium Rush. Girl movie, guy movie. Now we probably wouldn't be dying to see either of these in theaters, but I have a groupon for Studio Movie Grill (they feed you AND you watch a movie) that expires the 14th! It was only $5 for each movie ticket and it includes a free drink. HOLLA!

Clint told me I could pick this one. I said something like,

"I kind of actually agree with you. Premium Rush would be cooler to see in theaters and I can pick when we rent a movie."

Clint: Wait, you kind of actually agree with me?

And his face was somethin like:

And that, my friends, is when I ate my own words, knowing that I would never get to see a girl movie in theaters again!

So what do you guys think? Is seeing a girl movie in theaters a waste? Can only guy action movies properly utilize the big screen and surround sound? Questions of life...

Marriage

I am a huge advocate of marriage. I love marriage and I love being married. Being a wife is probably my favorite "hobby." I love my husband with my whole life. I love all that marriage stands for. Right now I wish there was a stronger word than love.

In the last 6 months or so we've had some difficult things hit. No marriage, and no life, is immuned to trials. I find it awesome/interesting/funny/incredible how those hard moments that make me want to kick Clint in the knee caps, are also the moments that teach us what marriage is all about and how wonderful it is.

In high school, I had a really unhealthy relationships with this guy who I thought I loved. Typical ABC Family afternoon drama stuff. Every time he made me mad, I broke up with him. He'd have to make it up to me, then we'd get back together and be happy together for a few more months...or weeks. I'm kind of  a lot embarrassed I ever acted like this, but I'm happy to say it is most definitely a thing of the past.

 I've matured a lot since then. I've learned what's important. I feel like there are vital ingredients in a marriage. (1) to be completely 158% devoted, (2) to always look for the good, (3) be quick to forgive, (4) always show love and kindness, (5) put the other person above yourself.

I believe in love (just listen to the rythm of the heart!).

I believe in marriage. 

I believe in loving someone more than yourself. 

I believe in sticking with my husband no matter what.

I believe in looking for the good and not relishing in the bad.

I believe in late night pillow talk. 

I believe in allowing someone to get to know you better than anyone else.

I believe in being married to your best friend. 

I believe in watching movies I don't like (sacrifices friends!).

I believe in lots and lots and lots, and then some more, anniversaries.

I believe marriage has a purpose and is designed by God.

I believe marriage is a 3-way relationship between spouses and Heavenly Father (God).

I believe in constant compliments, hugs, kisses, and other gestures of love.

I believe that marriage lasts forever, even after death.

I believe that Clint is my puzzle piece. My perfect partner [in crime].

I believe in waking up and going to bed the happiest because of who you're laying next to. 

I believe in laughing so hard the neighbors tell you to quiet down.

I believe in stolen kisses and tushy squeezes.

I believe in having lots of babies with this special person.

I believe in the billion more reasons why marriage is so great!

Marriage is amazing. It's a one-of-a-kind relationship. I can honestly say that I love Clint more than my own life, and I love life an awful lot. If someone came up to us and told us that ONE of us had to die, I would gladly volunteer. It's not even a hard choice to make. I feel so blessed to be married. I feel even more blessed to be married to such an exceptional, handsome, incredible boy who makes me happier than I could have even imagined! Seriously, what's so great about fairy tales? They've got nothin on our duo.

Have I told you lately?

That marriage is great?

Beacause it is. 

It's one big adventure. Like last night, for example, I convinced Clint to go running with me. We ran down a street where we've been investigating moving. Seriously, they have some NICE places. Granite counter tops, courtyards, new appliances. Problem is...it's in the
ghet-to the-ohhh. I saw two creepy dudes sitting in a car...waiting for the hand off maybe? And little kids big super crazy treating food and whatnot like confetti and throwing is at passing cars. And of course there were smashed in windows.

Sigh.

I think it's time to graduate and start making grown up monies. Then maybe we can afford a dishwasher that works..... minus the creepster neighbors.

But aside from all these fun adventures like fearing imma get molested on our run, marriage has taught me 110 awesome things. Let's talk about a few.

Numero uno. Marry for looks.

It has served me well. Just kidding. But seriously, it's kind of important.

Numero dos.

Quality time is super important together. Being a wife/husband is a calling and that time together should be cherished! It really is an investment in your relationship and future together.

Numero Tres.

If you really want to make your husband/wife fall in love with you, be a saint when you fight. Sometimes when we fight, I can tell when Clint says a little silent prayer to help him deal with me when I'm being difficult....or maybe it's to resist my ridiculous good looks...it's hard to tell. Either way, it's sweet right? I love that boy! And sometimes when we're fighting...even if I'm not ready to apologize yet, I'll tell him I love him, just to make sure he still knows. :) We have a good system.

Numero quatro.

Make an effort to be interested in what they're interested in. Clint and I have completely different taste in a million different things, but I can tell it means the world to him when I play video games with him (which I can't stand), listen to his music (also not a fan of) or ask him about an engineering project that there's no way I'll understand. It doesn't mean we have to adapt each others likes. I'll probably never like screamo (yes, my husband likes screamo! I couldn't believe it either) and he will probably never listen to backstreet boys in his car alone, but we can appreciate it because we know the other person loves it so much. 

Numero cinco

 Marriage isn't that hard. I mean, it's kind of hard. Sometimes. All relationships are. And sometimes I get frustrated and I forget why Clint is so great...and I'm sure he has those moments too. But marriage doesn't really have to be that hard. I think life is hard. I think marriage is something that can make life easier even! Sometimes, at least! I mean, let's be honest. I've had moments where I felt like I couldn't go on any more when Clint carried me through. And seriously, I would not want to raise kids on my own. I need him. I want him there. Life is hard regardless. With marriage, I think you get out of it what you put in. Invest the time you need to, be loving and kind, and throw in a fair amount of saccrifice, and you have something more beautiful than you can imagine! I guess in some ways life might be easier without marriage and children, but it would be much less beautiful. That is certainly NOT the life I want.