Tuesday, April 30, 2013

The bat that beat the camel to death.

Life around here has been insane. 

I've been doing this whole baby things pretty much on my own. I'm not saying that to throw my husband under the bus. He's the first to point it out. We both know he'd be doing much more if he could but the truth is he hasn't made it to bed before midnight since who knows when. School is kicking his trash. He has a huge project he's working on that sucks up every spare drop of what could possibly, maybe turn into a spare second. It doesn't leave much time for dishes and diapers and bath time and dinner and whatnot. I'm really proud of him for all he's doing right now.

Plus, everyone knows life is harder the less sleep you get. Ainsley has been sleeping much better lately (overall) but now she's decided 4am is time to get up for the day no matter what time I put her down. She's up for several hours and then will go back down for a nap for about two hours (what she's doing now) but the problem is by that time I can't go back to sleep. Trust me, I just wasted an hour trying to. It's frustrating when your body just won't let you sleep. 

The weight of the chores and babytakingcareof has been put on me. Can I just tell you I'm so tired of laundry and dishes and mopping and vaccuming and running errands and everythingelsebigkidshavetodo! My baby can't even sit up on her own yet and somehow the house is at least a hundred times harder to keep clean. I feel like I'm running in circles. 

I'm still having a really hard time accepting my post-baby body. So many of my friends were back to normal within a few shorts months and I notice no difference from now and two weeks post partum despite exercising every day and eating healthy. My husband asked me why I care so much because this is not normally like me. I admittedly didn't love my body before but I accepted it. Now I can hardly think about anything besides wanting to be skinny for longer than five minutes. The PPD I've had to top it all off probably doesn't help so much. Those hormones are some intense stuff. Things since my brothers accident have been really scary too. He's been much stronger than I think I would be in the situation. Emotionally life has been more exhausting than physically, although that's true too. 

So last night I had a little breakdown triggered by my ingrown toenails that I've gotten from so much walking and running. It hurts to step. HAVE YOU EVER HAD THEM?! They're competition with labor pains, let me tell you.
 I would say it was like the straw that broke the camels back, but it's more like the bat that beat the camel to death and left it for dead in the middle of the Sahara. 

Since there's no ecard to top it off with, 

I hate to be a negative Nancy, but I'm tired dude. 

12 comments:

Bethany G said...

OH GIRL. Do I feel you. Seriously... I am so tired too. This month has not been fun. Jude has gone from sickness to sickness to teething to sickness to NOT sleeping to teething. Seriously, it's been rough. And omg .. that "I lose hours of sleep worrying about how I'm losing hours of sleep" made me LOL .. soo true and funny.
I feel like I'm CONSTANTLY cleaning or taking care of the babe. Us mommas need to stick together.. I don't care what anyone says this is the toughest job out there!
I hate complaining too... but sometimes.. a mommas just gotta let it out!

We can do this!

Katie said...

I feel like it takes 100% more effort to be happy when you're tired. And if Ellie sleeps a few hours at a time at night and I feel that way, I can only imagine how you feel.

Chelsea said...

Firrrrssst things first, I love you new header! So cute!

But girl. I seriously think you look AMAZING. I hope I can look half as good as you do after I have my baby. Really. And your devotion to your overall health is really impressive to me. Working out everyday is hard! And I don't even have a baby to care for! I think it's hard to see progress in ourselves. And I'm sure PDD really impacts that, too. That D is really a B.

If you and your toenails (and your baby) want to move in with me, you can. We have an extra bedroom for three more months. I'm way good at doing the dishes.

Kelsey said...

I feel the exact same about losing weight. I've been working out so much, and not feeling (or looking) any different. I'm obsessing a little! Luggin around these big jugs don't help either.. eek! ;) You're amazing though and you LOOK amazing. so keep your chin up!

Ali Mills said...

Your post-baby body is rockin girl! Seriously! And you've got nursing helping you too! I think you look beautiful and amazing and you NEED to know how great you are! And hopefully soon Ainsley will start sleeping better so you can too ;)

Kristen said...

Had 2 ingrown toenails after baby..had to have them fixed at the foot doctor! He said he often sees women who have been recently pregnant get them. All the swelling and changes in weight don't help! Good luck Epsom salt soaking helped.
And seriously the one about your skinny friends saying they feel fat...been there!

Kristen said...

I'm kind of in the same boat as far as losing the baby weight goes. And there's no other way to put it other than that it just sucks the big one, especially watching a handful of friends have babies (who am I kidding?? they probably sneezed them out) and then a few days later slide right back into their pre-pregnancy size 2 jeans. For the freaking love. It's not right.

Just for the record, I think you're beautiful. And I think your little babe is absolutely precious. Hang in there and know that you are not alone!

lj said...

Alexis, I just posted about this! I have wide feet and always have had problems with in-growns, but now I wear Nike Frees and I love them! Usually you can find them somewhere on sale.

I have also not been able to lose any weight, and I haven't even had a baby yet. But I think you look great in all your FB pictures, so don't worry about it too much!

Camille said...

Alexis,

You need to broaden your friend base my dear! Most my friends have several kids and many can't lose a pound until they STOP nursing!

I also know some of your health problems and have similar- I feel your pain my dear! Hormone imbalance makes weight gain so easy and loss so hard. There's a reason I run marathons and don't eat carbs- it's just a sad but true part of life :)

Annastasia Richardson said...

Wish I could come over and watch her for a couple hours so you could nap!
Call your home or visiting teachers and get them over there! Even if it is just for 30 minutes! You more than deserve a break and a taste of sanity.

Courtney B said...

Ooooh Alexis. You honestly look AMAZING! Especially since you're so sleep deprived. One bad night of sleep and I look like death. And honestly, it takes 10 months to grow that baby, it's going to take some time to tone the squish. You probably want to punch me for saying that, and I'm sorry! But I have my own insecurities that rule my world most days :) But I truly think you look amazing.
Will Clint have a break from school in the summer? I hope so! If nothing else, I'll babysit for a couple hours while you take a GOOD nap in my guest room when you come to visit :)

Megan said...

First, it's okay to complain sometimes. that's natural and good to get it all out. If we kept it all inside, we would explode and it wouldn't do us any good to just fake it. So don't ever apologize for showing your true feelings and letting it all out!

And second, I echo all the other comments here that you really do look amazing! And better than just looking amazing, you are HEALTHY!! Some people can lose weight but they actually aren't healthy at all and not fit or eating right (that's me) and it is worse because they're not taking care of their bodies. But the important thing is you ARE taking care of your body and being the best you can be for that sweet Ainsley and are doing a great job being her mom. That's the most important thing.

And third, I'm so sorry you are tired and I'm sure the PPD/hormone imbalance makes it all worse. I will come down and watch Ainsley, seriously! And it really can be such a more determined effort to have to be happy when you are tired. So your feelings are even more justified. Just know you are still doing an AMAZING job, especially for the circumstances. Other people that seem to be doing "better" either, 1. really aren't and are faking it, 2. have a totally different circumstance/different baby 3. are dumb :) YOU ROCK! So don't get yourself down :)

LOVE YOU!!