This is my sweet baby. Isn't she cute? This was about a month ago. She's growing so fast! I can't keep up.
The adjustment to motherhood has been going better lately. I'm forming a routine which is helping. Every day we get out of the house in some way or another. We either go for long walks, run errands, or go to one of my friends' house. Lucky for me, I have about a hundred friends who just happened to have had babies around the same time as me. It's so funny to watch Ainsley stare at other babies.
She's growing so fast. She's growing so fast. She's growing so fast!!!!!!!! Sorry have I said that before? It's true. She doesn't even feel like a newborn any more. She has just started to be interested in toys. She has started batting at them. It's amazing the sense of pride you feel for your baby. The first time she batted at the toy I was so excited and smiling and telling her good job and she was just staring up at me like it ain't no thang.
Emotionally, the adjustment is still hard. I hate to admit that things are hard because I don't want it to come off as me not enjoying motherhood or even worse, loving my child less. Everything with regards to her is wonderful. I'm crazy about her and she brings so much happiness. It's still a big adjustment to give up pursuing a career for changing diapers. The sleep deprivation is one of the hardest parts. She's still up every two hours. Before you tell me to read Babywise, know that I've already read it. It didn't work for us. I talked to her pediatrician and she said it's still totally common for babies to be up this frequently to eat. Plus, she's now in the 95th percentile for height, 75th for weight, and 85th for head. The doctor says she's growing amazingly quickly! She's gained about 4 pounds in a month! Plus I'm still working on adjusting to this whole new life. It's weird to feel like I'm still me, while living a life completely different from what I was doing three months ago. It's hard to describe other than to say I just feel like I'm in a funk. Being a mom is hard, but I still love it and I still wouldn't change it.
The weight loss has been tough. I lost a bunch in the beginning and was super happy about it. The problem is that I figured the rest of the weight would fall off just as easily. I have about 11 pounds that just won't go away. I'm not doing anything crazy to lose the weight. Just trying to eat well, cut out sweets except for a few little exceptions on the weekends, exercise, breastfeed, etc. I have only lost two pounds in the last two months. The most frustrating thing is getting dressed. It's not uncommon to go through 10 outfits before I find one that only kind of works. I say dressing yourself after having a baby is much harder than while pregnant. When you're pregnant the belly is supposed to be there and it's round and cute. Now my belly is a big pile of mush that keeps moving after I've stopped. Nothing fits well and I don't exactly have the money for a whole new wardrobe. I try to remind myself of the miracle my body just performed two and a half months ago, but I'd be lying if I said I was totally happy with what I saw in the mirror right now.
I haven't said anything on here yet about this but my brother was in a serious paragliding accident almost two months ago. He has been in ICU since and isn't doing so well. I feel like it's taken away some of the joy and happiness that would normally be here with a new baby. It seems like it would be impossible to not be depressed on some level with something so sad going on in your life. I can't explain what it's like to see someone you love so much suffer. You want to take away what they're going through but at the same time it's not a trial you'd wish on yourself in a million years. My heart physically hurts when I think about what he is going through. Prayers are always appreciated and I fully believe they've contributed to the miracles we've seen so far.
So there's a quick scatter-brained update. Life is crazy but overall there's a lot to be thankful for.