Wednesday, February 20, 2013

Motherhood with a side of Vanity?

During my pregnancy I gained 37 pounds. Yes, that's two more pounds than you're "supposed" to. 
Before having Ainsley I had no timeline of when I wanted to lose my weight or plans with how to do it. Let's be real, I was just trying not to lose my breakfast. 
When she was five days old, I weighed myself and had lost 19 pounds. A week or so later I weighed myself and I was down 26. To be fair, a good amount of it was water weight so I'm sure if it had been actual fat it would have taken longer. [I know it can take way longer for a lot of people to lose weight. I mean no judgements! I'm not trying to make it sound easy. Losing weight is serious work.] It felt really good to see the numbers go down (especially without really doing anything aside from nursing) and I figured the rest of the weight would continue to fall off. I came up with the vain goal to lose the remaining 11 pounds before my 6 weeks postpartum appointment. 
[yeah, I got pretty big]
Although Ainsley isn't technically six weeks until tomorrow, I had my appointment today. I'm a little upset to say I haven't lost an ounce of that remaining 11 pounds. Given that all I've done to lose weight the last six weeks is breastfeed, eat fairly healthy, and try to go on daily walks and do tummy exercises, it's not all that surprising I haven't lost a double digit amount of weight. Not sayin it wouldn't be nice!

Adjusting to this new body hasn't been easy. Come to think of it, I've been adjusting to this "new" body of mine for the last eleven months and it hasn't stayed the same for more than a month! [what a crazy thought] And why? Because I've been working on growing and taking care of this precious life.
[holy cuteness, right?]
She's worth more than the world to me. I wish I could say that's made my all negative feelings toward my ever squishy jelly belly go away. It hasn't quite been like that. However, it's not like I hate my body. It's hard to get used to. For example, I went to Target with my sister yesterday and tried on my normal size. Uh, hello five-months-pregnant! It didn't fit right. At all. I don't know how to dress myself anymore. And I certainly don't feel like right now is a time to dive headfirst into a diet. Especially while breastfeeding. Keeping up my milk supply is more important than having some extra bounce in muh booty. Being a mother is tricky. I feel like nothing is yours anymore. All decisions effect my precious baby. It's difficult and also a blessing.
On the other hand, it's pretty amazing. I love looking at my little miracle with a sense of accomplishment knowing I worked so hard to get her here. I place no judgements on those who can't or choose not to breastfeed, but I'm so grateful I've had the opportunity. I love seeing her second and third chins form knowing that I essentially put those there. 

I feel like we have a lot of pressure to be fake. While getting dressed my goal was sometimes "what makes me NOT look like a just had a baby _____weeks ago?" When I went out I wanted people to say things like "you did not just have a baby! you look fabulous!" But then I realized...what's wrong with being real? Why not sport my squishy belly rounded out by some friendly muffin tops? After all, it is evidence of an amazing thing I just did, right? And it's evidence I'm that sweet little girls mom. THAT is an amazing thing.
Here's to [trying] to embrace the squish! 


Courtney B said...

Oh my... I love you!! Amen to everything you said! Muffin tops are NOT my best friend but I just need to learn to embrace them. And I don't diet at all, I've just slowly started working out and it hasn't affected my milk supply at all. Just be sure to eat (the right foods) and drink enough when you do workout!
You always catch the CUTEST pictures of Ainsley! Love her!!

Kristen said...

Oh my goodness, I love this so much! I've been hanging on to about 13 lbs of baby muffin top and squish since the end of October and I can't seem to get rid of it no matter how healthy I eat or how much I exercise. So frustrating, but what a great reminder that these little munchkins are worth it! Thanks for the reminder =)

Chelsea said...

You are amazing, Alexis--and such a good mommy! I love that last paragraph especially. I haven't been in your postpartum shoes, yet . . . but I am way impressed by the way you are handling things!

Nikki & Drew said...

Have no fear, you will lose those 11 pounds and some by doing nothing but breastfeeding and maybe going on walks. Seriously, I lost my 55 pregger pounds in six months (and mine wasn't water) just from feeding p and taking karabi on poo walks twice a day. So a 20 minute walk. So have no fear! You were way more active than me prebaby so you'll bounce back in no time. If you guys can I would highly recommend joining a gym. It gives you some you time and inches just fall off!!! I kicked myself for waiting 8 months to join!

But just do what you gotta do to feel good about yourself. Don't worry about other people. But I am still super impressed/jealous you look so darn good this fast!

Emma Frances said...

This has been pretty much my exact experience. I think now I just have a couple more pounds to go but I don't feel like I can do any hard core diets because I'm still Breastfeeding. It's definitely frustrating sometimes but I love your outlook and I definitely need to work on bracing my post baby body more!

Jenn from A Pop of Style said...

She's a cutie! And I loved reading this post. I'm sure it will just take time, but keep up the great work you're already doing. Plus, you already look fabulous!


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A Pop of Style

LaynahRose said...

You are seriously the coolest.

Siri Natalia said...

You look great :) And good job on making that sweet baby. She's adorable! I love how straight up your posts are!

Katie said...

Seriously, that last paragraph is awesome. What a good reminder as I'm about to do the same thing myself. I needed to hear that. I think that sometimes it's just best to ignore how much you're "supposed" to gain. Everyone is so different. And the important part is about giving life, anyway.

Shay said...

You do look great. It is so hard dealing with the post-baby body sometimes but your so right- baby makes it all worth it and so much more! I figured it took me ten months to put that weight on, I would give myself that long until I stress about my body:-)

Kari said...

Post baby body is hard to get accustomed too! I will Amen to that!! And if it makes you feel any better-I gained 51 lbs! And to be honest-when I literally delivered him-I don't even want to know how much more I gained due to the amount of fluids I had pumped into me.

I haven't stepped on the scale yet-but my wedding rings fit again and I just have a little bump that hasn't gone away yet so I feel okay so far.

Chrissy Delacy said...

You are adorable and I just want to squeeze that baby!!!!! :)