Tuesday, February 5, 2013

The thing about being a mom is...

Remember this post when I wrote about how insanely happy I am and how much I just love life right now?
I really did 100% mean it.
But...there's another side too.

It's really hard.

Mostly emotionally.

I don't know if everyone goes through this, but the adjustment, while I've been loving it, has been difficult for me. First, I still feel like my emotions/hormones are working on "normalizing." Having a baby kind of throws your body through a loop. I'm not used to feeling like this.

Aside from that, it's an entire new life I'm working on adjusitng too. I'm used to a really productive, social, and busy life. Work, school, church, everything else. Now it's pretty much just me and my little monkey.

I'm a huge list person. I get probably too much satisfaction from checking things off of my to-do list. I'm realizing how much I measure my daily self-worth by what I check off of my list. Before it wasn't uncommon for me to have 20 things on my to-do list. I loved checking off things like write research paper, do the dishes, go running, go to work, write lab report, go to presidency meeting, etc. It's hard now that my imaginary to-do list (as in I don't actually write it) consists of changing 20 diapers, 15 feedings, 2 outfit changes, and maybe going on a walk or doing the dishes. I feel like I'm doing so much but getting nothing done. Like a rat stuck running in a wheel. It's an odd feeling.

Considering how this little life form is basically attached to me 24/7, I've given up all independance. I hadn't realized how independent I am. I'm very social, but I'm still an introvert who highly values alone time. Now, I'm mentally scheduling my bathroom breaks around the best times in the day to lay her down.

My life has forever changed. Whenever I make decisions now, I have to think about how it'll effect Ainsley. For example, if I hadn't been blessed with her at this time, I would probably be doing my master's this Fall. It's a different mentality to adjust to, this motherhood business.

I really do love being a mom and I really am happy. It's still a huge adjustment I'm working on every day.
Looks like I'm not the only one adjusting ;)


Bethany G said...

Oh man.. You are SO right. Us mommas do so much but sometimes it feels like we're getting nothing done.
And gosh it made me laugh when you said you have to plan your bathroom breaks around baby. This is SO TRUE. Ha.

It's quite an adjustment... but it does get easier. Just try to not worry about doing everything (I know it's hard). This time that their little is sooo short. Good luck, momma. You're doing great!

Ali Mills said...

Oh bathroom breaks, I think we've all gone through that adjustment. It really is hard to adjust to motherhood. Everyone says that's it's like butterflies and bunnies and rainbows when really, it's hard. It's rewarding too, but really hard.

You're doing really good though, and it does get easier ;) Luckily your little Ainsley is just adorable!!

And you can still make your to-do lists, just do little things like: make the bed, empty the diaper trash can, etc. Then you can still feel like you accomplished things ;) It's helped me ;)

karajean said...

You are such a trooper. You'll make it through this adjustment phase, and once you get to the other side these first few weeks will be a total blur.

I read on Facebook that you asked how someone gets things done with a newborn and you've pretty much hit it right on the head. You don't. It'll be that way for a few more weeks, at least. Maybe you should make a to do list every morning that says:

Keep Ainsley alive
Change her diaper
Feed her
Keep myself alive

And then you can cross it off at the end of the day and feel better? :)

Emma Frances said...

It really is such a hard, weird adjustment! Also, she looks so much like you in those pictures!

Nicole said...

ahh! this is totally going to be me in just a few weeks. i really admire your honesty and sharing how you are doing, right where you are today.

i hope you have a really easy happy evening with the little cutie. :)


Cheryl said...

Oh sweet girl, I totally know wbere you are coming from! It seems like yeaterday I was writing those same words in my journal (they hadn't invented blogs yet!). Having a newborn is one of the most unselfish things you will.ever do/love. One thing I didn't do enough with my first baby was let myself nap when she did. You will get twice as much done in half the time once you have rested. Hang in there and know that you can come over to my house and play anytime!
You are doing awesome. Love ya lots :)

Brittany Lew Whoo said...

seriously, i know it's not that big of a deal, but i've actually thought about the bathroom thing. and when to take showers. that's why i can't be a mom yet, i'm still too selfish! ha.

Shay said...

I don't think people understand how hard it is to be a mom sometimes! That is when it is nice to have supportive husbands and family:-) Baths for mommy cure everything! And seriously- you check off those changed diapers on your list if it makes you feel better!

Jessica said...

i hear you...these adjustments are hard ones. Give yourself some time.

Lex C. said...

Oh my!!! She's so beautiful!!! Congratulations!!!