Tuesday, September 4, 2012

Super (tired) mom

I've been in school for a week and a half now.
Somehow I thought that my motivation for finishing school would somehow give me extra energy, but that didn't (at all) happen. Those 12 hours days at school are a lot harder than I remember them being. Going to work for all afternoon/night is torture after spending all morning at school. I work weekends too. And when do I fit in homework? Some nights driving home I spend crying (after I've choked it back at work or school) because I'm so gosh darn tired and a million other things (i.e., heartburn, back pain, headaches, my feet are swollen like balloons, etc.)! So you get it right? Life is busy. Normally when life is so busy you make time by cutting out sleep. I can't exactly do that since if I sleep 8 hours or less I can't stay awake past noon. I'm not exaggerating that

I'm not trying to complain, we're just getting on the same page okay?

So I don't know what to do. I feel like somethings gotta give, but what?!

I don't know if we can afford for me to stop working now, plus I'd feel super guilty having Clint working so hard going to school and work. Quitting school is not an option. I think you probably know that by now. Asking to be released from my calling just doesn't seem right. Those are my biggest things right now. Clint helps me with the house chores and grocery shopping but he can't do it all either. He has a lot on his plate too!

Even though I have no idea what will happen and how things will turn out, I have peace knowing the Lord is on my side. Clint gave me a blessing and I was able to feel so much love and know that I'm doing the right things in my life. I guess I will do it all until we come up with a better solution.

In the meantime, I had a comforting thought driving to work this morning (I'm writing this on Saturday). Not that I would take back being pregnant or having my sweet baby girl, but sometimes I wish it would have come just a little later in life. However, today when I was driving to work I came to the realization there is no perfect time. After I graduate I still have a 9 month full time internship. I couldn't be pregnant during that knowing how sick I've been. Then right after finishing the internship, I couldn't get a job for awhile that I'd be competent at doing. So that puts off having a baby a good two years or so, and I can't imagine waiting that long to meet her. Heavenly Father is the boss and HE knows the best timing for us. There will always be reasons it's not the right time, but those reasons aren't important. My family is my number one priority. Can't wait to get this party started! Come on, Ainsley!  


Ali Mills said...

You go girl and I really hope it gets easier for you soon! You're in my prayers ;)

Becca said...

keep your chin up mama!!! take advantage of those sunday naps and little moments where you can put those tired feet up and rest!

Sarah said...

You're right there's never a perfect {in our eyes} time for anything. Heavenly Father's got this covered, and he'll direct your path. For me that was quitting school {I was still years from finishing} while pregnant, and I haven't gone back. That was right for my family. You'll figure out what's best for yours!

Katie said...

Oh man. This sounds almost exactly how I felt when I was in grad school and working. Just overwhelmed and tired and emotional...all the time. The biggest difference is that I was not pregnant at the time, but if I had been, it would have changed everything even more drastically. The good news is that in four months, you will be done with school, and that will be one more thing off your plate! And you are absolutely, right; Heavenly Father allows things to happen when they're supposed to...and I'm sure that you will feel that even more keenly once you have your beautiful baby girl in your arms.

lj said...

I cry on the way home sometimes too. It makes me feel a little better. I have to try to remember that I will not have to go to school for the rest of my life, even though it feels like it. Only a few more months then you're done!

from head 2 toe said...

Sounds like you need to get on WIC and ACESS! Seriously! We are hard working Americans who pay taxes! USE the money they give you to your advantage! $75 a month for groceries? TAKE IT GIRL! We weren't on it living in AZ (we didn't qualify since we don't have kids and I worked enough even though my hubs is in Med School) but I 100% support it for couples in school/grad school. So, check it out! It might be worth it!