Wednesday, March 14, 2012

The hardest part take two?

Do you guys remember this post I wrote when Clint and I were engaged about being concerned about being able to spend enough time together? People were giving me advice on what the hardest part of what marriage would be. I disagreed and guessed that it would be not having enough time to spend together. (if you haven't read it, or need a refresher, do that first). Well, I just want to go ahead and give myself a big pat on the back for being right!

Our first almost year of marriage has been fabulous! Seriously! I love it and I wouldn't change it for anything, but I really think the biggest challenge is simply that we just don't have enough time. We both have demanding school schedules, jobs, callings for church, family responsibilities, I have health issues that take a lot of time, then of course there's cooking, cleaning, errands, paying bills, and the list goes on for what seems like a mile. All those things are super important and quite frankly, not optional. It's not like we can just ditch tests or just live in tornado (read: crazy messy apartment) because we need to spend time together. We just have to do the best that we can with what we have.

Lately it's been extra hard. Until last weekend, we hadn't been on a date since Valentines and I don't mean we hadn't gone out I mean we hadn't really spent any time together. Every weekend was spent with me either sick in bed or both of us working on homework like crazy people. Maybe we took a 20 minute break to watch modern family while folding some laundry or doing the dishes. And honestly, I hate to say this, but I feel like the less time we spend together the more our marriage feels mundane. And I hate using that word because I feel like it sends the message I'm not totally happy with my husband and crazy in love with him! That's not true because I totally am! That boy still gives me butterflies!

 But when we don't get to spend any time together and the extent of our conversation is talking about what big test is coming up or how stressed we are about this assignment or how filthy the dishes have gotten...it just feels more mundane and less exciting. Not that a marriage needs to always be exciting but you know what I mean, right? You need time together to feel that love for each other. That's a better way to put it.

So the problem is identified, that's the easy part. But how do you solve it? They need to make a handbook for these sorts of things. I mean I'd like to say it's just for now and that's true to some extent. This might be the busiest we are, but it might not be. Just like I said in my post before, we are each other's priority! I think it's harder to remember that when the feedback isn't immediate. You study for a test, bam you get your grade back. Go to work, get a paycheck. Cancel a date with your spouse, don't really see how it affects your marriage right away. Know what I mean? I don't really know why I'm writing this. I guess sometimes I can express things better on this blog than I can otherwise.

And seriously, this is real life. No ones marriage is perfect and I don't attempt to paint ours as such. We love each other like crazy, that's for sure! Do any of you watch The Bachelor? I watched the finale and it was ridiculous. It always is. But this time Ben said something so dumb. As far as the situation with Courtney goes, he said it wasn't that there was anything wrong with them, it was their circumstances. Well, yeah. DUH! If we lived in a perfect world, a heckuva lot of our problems would go away now wouldn't they and we would all just have perfect lives, eh? There's a lot we can't change, we just have to do the best with what we can. Clint and I are planning on fully soaking up Spring break! I feel slightly irresponsible taking a few days off of work and whatnot, but sometimes time off is just worth more! And investment, if you will :)

Now go hug your lover!

What do you think the hardest part about marriage/relationships are?

13 comments:

Katie said...

I agree with you totally. I think no time is DEFINITELY the hardest part. And I love the way you expressed it. As always, you said things that I feel but haven't been able to verbalize. I'm so glad you took time off work during spring break...it's so totally worth it. You won't regret the time off and you'd definitely regret it if you hadn't taken time off.

Melissa Jane said...

I can definitely see how that would be miserable not being able to spend as much time together. Thankfully, God has allowed me to stay home with my husband (he's a preacher) so that we get to be together 85% of our lives. I know that our marriage is as INCREDIBLY AWESOME because we spend all that time together. But even though we spend all that time together, dates are a MUST. Being able to sit and discuss all the in's and out's of life are important to keep a relationship going - and to keep your spouse your best friend which is the way God intended for marriage to be. I think, without a doubt, that is the downfall of most marriages. My husband always reminds me when I get caught up in doing too many other things for the church that our marriage is our utmost priority and everyone else can wait. God doesn't expect us to neglect our spouses in order for church activities to be accomplished. In fact, He will be disappointed if we do leave our spouse next in line. We are doing His service if we are keeping our marriages healthy. Four years into this FANTASTIC marriage and my hubs and I know that TIME is SUPER important!! You are SO right.

Ways to spend more time together: Cook together, study in the same room, go to bed at the same time so you can snuggle or talk about your day before you fall asleep, eat one meal a day together at least, turn off your phones/internet for an hour or two.

This stuff works!!!

:: ashley :: said...

i totally agree that first year is crazy schedule wise- but honestly its the favorite year we've ever had- we have been married for 5 years and when you add kids, grown up jobs, mortgages it all gets so 'real life' that first year is SO fun working so hard to survive and provide for eachother there is nothing like it! enjoy it while you can :)

ms.composure said...

stumbled onto your blog and just wanted to leave you a little blog luv! my hardest part of my past relationships has been communication

http://infinitelifefitness.com
http://mscomposure.blogspot.com

Alycia (Crowley Party) said...

such an adorable couple :)

Emma Frances said...

I totally know this feeling. My first job and our cleaning job that we had up until a couple of weeks ago just made our lives so ridiculously hectic that we never really got to spend time together and it was NOT fun. Now we have more time together and we are loving it! It is definitely making us sacrifice some things financially but we think it is so worth it to have those special moments that make our marriage much more than mundane. I hope you find some awesome solutions (I'm sure you will) and share them here!!

Becca and Derek said...

The hardest part of our marriage has been Derek in medical school. Such a blessing, but SUCH a long road. He actually is living in a different city about 3 hours away right now for the entire month..so we only see each other on the weekends. And come September, he will be gone MONTHS at a time. That is the biggest struggle with our marriage..... But, I always see the positive and when he graduates next May, we will be residents and go where ever our road takes us and our family!

Nikki & Drew said...

time is a big mood killer. hahaha. but somehow we just have to make it work. just make sure you atleast talk everyday- multiple times a day. its crazy how not having time to even talk can get cha down.

Brooke said...

Rings sooooo true. Let's all give Father Time a call, and a thorough talking to :)

Elisabeth Gee said...

I'm not married, but I just wanted to say that I think you're awesome, Alexis!! Life can be hard, but you are so right!! Just keep working hard and being crazy in love and for some wacko reason, Heavenly Father will give you all that you need to accomplish things in this life. :) :)
You ROCK!! :)

Kylie said...

Finding time just for each other is so tough. For the first year and a half of our marriage, our schedules were completely opposite of each other and our only real time together was on weekends...and then we were so stressed and had other obligations that it wasn't always quality. One of the best things for us was when TJ quit his full time job to focus more on school, and frankly on us. I'm totally not saying that people should quit their jobs, that's just what we felt had to happen. And we're still super busy and have hectic schedules, but we try to take some time for each other. It's definitely a hard balance to strike. We've made it a goal to go on a date once a week. We're not always great at it, but we do our best. Sorry for the novel of a comment, this post just really hit home with me! Hope you have fun in Cali next week!!

Aubrey said...

It's sad but true- time is very limited. My hubby and I really try to make our time together QUALITY time. In a previous comment- she mentioned date nights/going to bed together/turning off electronics for awhile and I think those three things have really made a difference for us.

And it's only gonna get harder as more things come to demand our attention (kids, work, etc. etc.) Happy that you are starting to think about this now. It will make a big difference in the long run. Well done :)

Aubrey
sweetnessoftheeveryday.blogspot.com

Courtney B said...

You two are so perfect for each other! I love how in love you two are! With this crappy move Eric has been working crazy amounts of overtime and when he'd get home from work he'd have to do his online school. I have never not had time with Eric until now. And it was the worst possible timing because the move has been so hard on me. So I definitely agree that time together is SO important... and SO needed!