Thursday, September 1, 2011

Finding out you have a paper cut.

I'm kind of notorious for leaving valuable things.
One time I left my computer in my hotel room in San Diego. Didn't remember until we were half way home.
Thank goodness the hotel shipped it back to me...for only $60!!!

On our honeymoon I forgot my wallet in our condo after we had already checked out. Thankfully no one had been in since so we were able to just go back and grab it.

And today, I left both mine and my friend's recorder [not the 2nd grade music class kind, the kind that records audio.] in my Advanced Human Nutrition class. They're about $40 each ringing in at a grand total of $80.

You see, my professor talks more than 500 miles a minute, she uses lots of big words that I'm certain are another language and she only takes a half a second to explain complex nutrient reactions, interactions and conversions. Basically, that recorder is my life line. It barely keeps my head above water. Those 4 recorded lectures are worth much more than $80. They're probably worth more than my left arm.

I was just about to sit down in biochem, my next class, when I realized I had forgotten them! You know that feeling when your heart sinks to your stomach? Yeah, it was like that only my heart had gone all the way down into my pinky toe. My nutrition class was on the complete opposite side of campus, about a mile away. I ran the whole way in that 116 degree heat to where I was just 20 minutes previously. 
please please please no body take it! Please nobody try to be good and give it to some random lost and found! please be there!! 
I peeked in the window to see the power point slide. They were having a class on glycolysis. Oh hey, maybe I'll just step in and lecture a minute or two and they won't even notice. I'll wow them with my knowledge, grab the recorder with my hands behind my back, no one notices. Perfect!

Okay, not perfect. Abort plan.

AHA! I see my recorder! It looks scared. I should rescue it ASAP. I open the door as quietly as humanly possible thinking I can just grab it while no one notices. The professors head SNAPS over to me as soon as I open the door. Hold the phone. This lady can't be a day under 187. But not the nice kid of old. This face immediately popped into my head.

I wish I was kidding guys.
 I almost asked her how the dinosaurs died, but instead I muster a quiet,
"excuse me"
as I reach over to grab the lonely, scared recorders. I thought she would just continue lecturing, but instead she gives me the deathliest death stare that has ever been stared as her eyes follow my outstretched hand. 
Cue laughter from class of 200.  
I don't even care about the laughing. I just want out. The recorders are safely in my grip. I look back up to her and she is STILL staring at me. Stink eye to the power of infinity guys! I quietly move back towards the door. Wondering why she still hasn't continued her lecture, I look back to her and the stink eye has somehow increased in intensity and I'm pretty sure there was some smoke coming out of her nose. I let out an uncomfortable giggle and left her with one last "I'm sorry".

Woah. That was weird.
Good thing I got out before she could offer me a poisoned apple from 600 B.C. I can't be certain, but I think I heard a cackle as I left. No matter. I've gotta rush back to biochemistry! So I run the other mile back. I'm drenched in sweat. All of a sudden I regret my silent laughter for the guy on the train with the massive sweat mark on his butt. Finally I make it back to biochem, only 30 minutes late.
I've always had really sensitive skin, and when sweat dries, it gives me the itchy burn all over my skin. I spent the last 40 minutes of biochem scratching myself and hoping I wasn't getting a massive bum sweat mark. All this sweat is making me feel dirty. I whip out my hand sanitizer. Instantly, I realize I have about 4 previously unknown paper cuts. Isn't that the best way to discover them? Also, I just realized I have shin splints. Don't run in flip flops. about that Fall business? Every one is doin it!


Bethany G said...

Looool. Ahh girl that sounds rough! You are so funny. Hope your day is better tomorrow ;)

Vivian said...

SO funny!!! I'm with you on leaving things everywhere. Try your passport in the plane and not being able to get back in the country. I kind of got the same kind of evil with look from the immigration guy..and a LOT more than that :)

Jen said...

ah this is so horrible but I absolutely LOVE the way you told this story :-) xoxo

Megan said...

Hahahahaha, oh my gosh, you have a total gift for telling stories!! I was literally laughing out loud at you! And yes, AT you, not with you. Sorryyyyyy. ; )

Emily said...

haha that's too funny..but I'm not laughing AT you...promise. ;)

Good thing you were able to recover the recorders!

And yes, that is the WORST way to find you have paper cuts, that and cutting lemons. oy!

Emily w/Amazing Grapes

Emma Frances said...

Ohhh my goodness. I can't even imagine running in that heat! I'm glad you got the recorders back though! And hopefully fall hurries the heck up down there! Either that or you can just come to Flagstaff and hang out with me. ;] We have grrreat weather!