If you haven't read yesterday's post, read first that if you want this to make sense.
I love the concept of sleep.
I love That we can go to bed with something bothering us, and wake up the next day and everything is okay.
Like a new beginning.
A breath of fresh air.
I just took a deep breath, by the way, and it felt really good. Try it.
Yup, I had a weak day yesterday. Some people interpreted that as me hating myself and being a basket case about to fall apart at the seams. That's not true. It was just a bit of a hard day. Those happen to the best of us. But today has been so much better. I went from this:
Okay. Maybe that was too far. Real mature, Alexis.
I had an appointment today out at San Tan. Afterwards I decided to take myself to lunch. With my Paradise Bakery Sandwich (still on wheat, minus the bacon and ranch), I got a cookie (which reminds me I still haven't eaten it-nom nom) AND a Dr. Pepper. And you know what? I didn't even feel bad about it. As I sat there by myself, I did some people watching. We're all just people, children of God, trying to do our best... with different cards we've been delt. I've been delt some that makes it hard to have a strong foundation of confidence. But I'm doing what I can and today was better. I even walked past Victoria's Secret on the way to my car. I looked at the "perfect" posters and didn't feel even a little bit bad. I don't look like them, and honestly I don't even want to. Yesterday I looked at my bridals (YEP, they're in!) and felt honestly grossed out. Today I looked at them and saw the beautiful bride I've always dreamed of being. And I looked like ME, not some image of perfection. I think once we get one negative thought about ourselves in our heads it spreads like wildfire to the point where you eventually look at yourself with a completely screwed up pair of eyes. From now on, when I talk bad about myself, I'm sending myself to time out. Zero tolerance policy. I'm a child of God just like you are. I don't have a right to be mean to myself just like I don't have a right to be mean to anyone else! It's good every once in awhile to check in with Heavenly Father and ask him what he thinks.
"Hey, I'm not feeling so great today. Are you happy with me? Are you proud of me? Am I smart enough? Am I kind enough? Can you help me feel your love? How do you feel about me? Can you help me to feel special?"
I know that all of you are beautiful/handsome daughters/sons a God who is mindful of you. Be nice to you, I like you.