Tuesday, March 8, 2011

I did it.

I started my paper work for my medical withdrawal. It's a little depressing. I'm a little depressed. I feel like I failed a little bit. I'm not used to not finishing something. Unless of course it's a book, in which case I rarely finish one. Seriously though, it stinks. It sets me back a whole semester for graduation, not to mention it's gonna cost me a lot more money. I get so frustrated. I try to do things, and I can't. and it's frustrating. Yesterday I tried to put a load of laundry away. It took forever. I kept having to lay down. Plus, it's still not done. Half of it is still laying on my floor right now. The doctor told me not to get frustrated when I can't do normal things, but I am. Really frustrated. I went to the doctor today. I'm still not released to go back to work. That's three weeks away from work and school. Basically doing nothing. I've pretty much accomplished nothing in the past three weeks. Not to mention how horrible I feel. I feel so out of it. Like I'm in a dream or something, only I know I can't be dreaming because I'm in so much pain. I'm being too negative. Irritability is a symptom of meningitis, ya know. I need to try to be more optimistic. Okay, I can do this. 

  • with all the antibiotics they pumped me with in the hospital, my skin is basically flawless
  • when I get healthy again, if that ever happens, I will appreciate my health so much more
  • hopefully with re-taking my classes I'll get higher grades then I would have normally
  • maybe I'll have more time to add special touches to the wedding with the extra time I'll have
  • at least I'm not getting sick right before or during the wedding. 
  • I lost a few pounds....which i quickly gained back when my appetite returned
  • vicodin helps dull the pain
  • I've caught up on a lot of movies
  • I have wonderful family and friends
  • My vision and hearing was not affected
  • the weather has been beautiful lately. I laid on the grass in my backyard on Sunday and took a nap. 
  • My sweet nephew is a week old yesterday. He is healthy and adorable and I love him! 
  • And the best part, I am getting married in 73 days to the sweetest boy in the whole world!
I promise my optimism will be back at some point! By the way, we booked our venue!! so excited!


Meg said...

Your optimism is so inspiring! It must be so hard. I wish the best for your recovery. :D

Ruth Ann said...

Your body is still talking to you. We all know you don't sit still on a normal day, so if you can't do it, listen to the bod. The goal is to be well and ready for the beach in 74 days, so during all the boring days,remember you really are doing something. You're healing and making yourself well for that beautiful day we are all looking forward to. I'm so sorry for the semester you lost. That's really sad because I know how hard you had been working. To go from all that you were doing to absolutely nothing is a big change, but it will be a memory some day. 73 days is the length of time I laid in the hospital growing a baby until she was old enough to come out. Good things happen but sometimes we have to be patient. And, as much as we want to understand it, we may never know the reason behind all of it. Just look forward to when it is over and you can laugh about it (or at least talk about it without becoming too sad)...

amy (metz) walker said...

I'm so unbelievably proud of you for trying to find the good in all of the not-so-good. It's a hard thing to do, I know!

Just remember, this is just a tiny blip on the radar in comparison to the sum total of the days of your life. When things in the present seem so overwhelming or frustrating, I always try to remind myself of that...but I know it's hard!!!

Thinking of you, sweet girl!