Saturday, December 29, 2012

39 weeks of crazy

Oh hey. 
How's it going. 
First, let's answer the question if I've had my baby yet. For your convenience, you can visit this page any time you'd like that answer:

Now that we have that out of the way, you should know that this post may contain some illegitimate thoughts and/or feelings, a whole lot of venting, and possibly even some whining. No doubt it'll also be all over the place. Proceed if you wish. 

You guys, being pregnant is hard. If you read my last post, you know what a blessing I think it is, but still. It's really hard. I am going crazy. The whole semester I kept telling myself that I just had to get through school and I'd have a baby. Well, I got through finals, graduation, and Christmas with no baby. Since she had been measuring so big (over two weeks ahead of schedule) and my due date wasn't very accurate (I talked about this when I posted about finding out I was pregnant) and because my family tends to have babies come early, I thought there was no way I'd make it this far. It doesn't matter how many people tell em it's common to go late with your first. I know logically it's not a big deal. I still have a week till my due date and yadda yadda yadda. That, however, does not take away the crazy (crazy=how I feel). My sister leaves tomorrow to go back to California and I will be really [REALLY] sad if she's not here for the delivery. Clint goes back to school in a week and since we can't afford for him to take more than a few days off of work, it would really help if she was born before he had to juggle work AND school. I'm really nervous about doing things on my own especially in those first few weeks. Plus, having her born this year and getting the tax break would make a big difference. But that stuff is all logical and doesn't even have to do with the physical/emotional side of things. I am miserable. I'm in so much pain. I can't sleep. I wake up coughing so hard on acid reflux that I throw up anything and everything in my tummy. I'm ready to not feel nauseated every second or to not get wicked heartburn after even the smallest sip of water. I'm ready for the back, hip, and knee pain to be gone. I'm ready to see her and know she's okay instead of worrying about things like the placenta detaching. I know it's silly but I haven't been too worried about her until the last few weeks and now I'm constantly worried about things like if she's moving enough. I'm ready to hold my sweet baby and see what she looks like and soak up all those baby snuggles.  Basically, I'm exhausted and I'm done.

One thing that makes it harder is people always asking me how much longer or asking if she's here yet. Trust me. I will tell you when she's here. I know people who ask really do have good intentions and I'm not upset with the people who keep asking, it just makes the time go so much slower. Also, I kind of feel like I'm failing when people want to know the new stats (dilation, effacement, etc) and I STILL haven't progressed in three weeks. It makes it hard to focus on anything else. I'm upset that my body isn't doing what it "should." My last appointment was Thursday and I was crushed when she told me I still hadn't progressed. I cried. Everyone in the waiting room saw as I left, I'm sure. Then I called my husband and cried. I think I'll just be very introverted until this baby comes. I'll live in a shell for the next...however long it takes. Since she's been measuring so gigantic, every day she grows inside me makes me more and more nervous for labor. I mean really. 

The other frustrating things is those dang "labor signs." Seriously, if they were right I would have had this baby long ago. My belly dropped between 33 and 34 weeks and you're "supposed" to have the baby 2-4 weeks after. My weight stabilized- nothing happened. Lots of contractions. I had a burst of energy yesterday- like doing dishes at 6AM energy burst- which means I "should" be in labor about now. Plenty of other "signs" and nothing ever happens. 

In conclusion, maybe you should all cross your fingers I go into labor within the next few hours before I turn permanently crazy. 

Have a nice day :)


Annie said...

gah! You poor thing! I figured you've been going crazy but didn't want to bug you so I've been trying not to text every day and ask how it's going. Keeping you in our prayers that she show's up soon! How does your Dr feel about inducing you early? How do you feel about it?
Please let me know what I can do!

Maggie B. said...

Oh honey. I hope your sweet baby makes up her mind to come soon. I'm praying for you.

Shay said...

I just wrote out a long comment about how sorry I am because I wasn't nearly as uncomfortable as you but I definitely wanted to be done by the end. I just remember that the minute I held my sweet boy in my arms not a thing in the world mattered! So excited for you!

Mary Davis said...

I think the hardest part about the whole being pregnant thing is the post-pregnant. Those first like, 6 weeks, when you think, 'Why didn't anyone tell me how tired I would be and how little time I would have? Why did I take all those pregnancy weeks for granted" and then you realize, that they tried- but being pregnant is so hard- and you want that baby. But it is so true when people tell you to relax- as hard as it sounds, and as irritating as it is to hear it all the time, its true. Good luck with waiting and the baby!