Monday, August 13, 2012

Body image while growing a baby

(Written Thursday 8/9)
So, I've pretty much usually had a fairly healthy body imagine. There was my very short bout of "anorexia" I decided to try out in 9th grade, but I came out of it pretty quick and it wasn't too tough on me. Then there was the time my dance teacher told me I didn't have the right body for a certain part and I thought I needed to tripple my time at the gym. Turns out they were just looking for someone shorter to fit the character. Most of the time though, especially since studying nutrition, I feel very strongly that your "body image" should come more from how you treat your body, how healthy you are and what you put in it rather than what it looks like on the outside to a sea of skewed eyes...and to your own skewed eyes.

That was just background info.
The other day I woke up to THIS. I swear my belly exploded over night. I was in shock. My bump is officially past my boobs. I'm only 19 weeks.

So when I got pregnant, I thought for sure I'd feel beautiful, full of life, and pregnant. Instead of any of those things, I feel fat. I STILL frequently forget I'm pregnant and go to put on something I used to wear and I'm mad at myself when it doesn't fit. Then I mentally formulate how I need to diet to get this weight off. Then I remember I'm pregnant and I'm like oh....shoot....I can't do anything about this. I have to embrace looking like a truck.

The pregnancy magazines don't help. Have you ever looked at those? They make it look like nursing is the sexiest thing you'll ever do. They show a  9-months-pregnant women in 9 inch heels holding two babies in a business suit with toothpicks for legs. I'm like, girl please- my cookie tastes way better than your skinny feels. I'm tempted to be super mature and get a sharpie and skribble on their faces.

Then of course there's the constant weight gain and belly comparisons amongst the pregnants.


It's not like I'm mad at my baby for doing this to me or regret getting pregnant. And I definitely don't sit in my room and cry all day...or ever. There are tons of times, most of the time, where I love having my belly. I love rubbing it, talking to her, and seeing it grow as evidence she is growing. I'm just trying to say it's harder than I thought. [plus, I'm upset my boobs haven't grown at all-rude!] It's like I have to remind myself that I'm NOT getting fat, I'm growing a baby. And that is hard work. And it takes some extra calories. And your waisteline (that doesn't even exist any more) WILL expand beyond your wildest dreams. Cool.

Afterall, my body was made for things like this, not fitting into size two (nonmaternity) jeans!

It's all for a little miracle I call Ainsley!
 Can't wait to meet her, even if she does make me feel like a truck ;)


karajean said...

At first I was all freaked out about comparing my weight gain to other preggos, but somewhere in the past 9 months I was able to just let it go, and let me tell you - it made life so much easier!

Anna said...

I've never been pregnant, but I love seeing other bloggers with their bump updates! For the record, you make an adorable pregnant mama.
embrace it. :)

Lissa Chandler said...

Girl, you are a tiny pregnant lady.

Two pregnancies have taught me that everybody's body is different. I'm five foot four with no waist and my stomach was larger than yours (with both babies!) by week seven or eight. I mean, I eat pretty healthy while pregnant (and while not pregnant!), and I still gained sixty pounds with my first. Some people just gain a lot of weight and others fit back into their old clothes by the time they leave the hospital. It's the same with nursing- some drop weight after one feeding and other people cling to every pound until they're done nursing and then it falls off. Some people have to work at every ounce.

So what I'm saying is: It's really hard to not feel like a tub of lard when you're pregnant, but your body's going to do what it wants to do when you're pregnant and it doesn't care that your friends might be larger or smaller than you. I get so belly-large by 30 weeks that I can barely move. That's just how my body works and it's lame but also totally worth it. So! In my opinion, if you want a shake, drink the shake... just make sure to go on a walk, too. :)

Mikelle Jade {The Honeypie Archives} said...

I know what you mean. I think it definitely gets better though! It is frustrating putting clothes on that fit last week and don't anymore... and looking at other girls who are pregnant too and seeing that they can still wear skirts below the bump, and don't have to pull them all the way up to their boobs. I got worried when my weight gain reached 35 pounds, and read that a lot of girls don't even gain that much total-- but I agree, it's worth it, babies are miracles!

Courtney B said...

Amen!! I'm sick of the mind games I play with myself. Eric is so great to remind me that its not fat, I'm pregnant!! Once I remember I don't have a problem with it... but why do I forget? Why do I automatically think I'm just fat? It's been a weird thing for me to overcome because I've never thought these thoughts about myself before. Satan has a way with playing with our minds, and making us feel bad about ourselves any chance he gets.
By the way, I'm super jealous! I wish my boobs would STOP growing. (Yours will totally grow by the way. They will.) I liked where I was before getting pregnant and now? Eric jokes about my "torpedoes"... haha. TMI, I know, but I'm hoping it makes you feel better. Because by the time the milk comes in... my boobs will probably pop. They will be so huge. So gross. SO gross!

Kylie said...

The hardest part for me was when others would (and still do) comment on my size (usually it's about how big I are you sure it's not twins?) because I got big pretty fast. Don't stress about it :) As long as you and baby are healthy, it doesn't matter what anyone else says, and even if you don't feel the greatest, you truly are beautiful :)

Britney Jean said...

It's hard, but what you said is true. You are growing a baby, creating life. Every day right now your body is performing a MIRACLE. So who cares if you gain some weight? You're amazing!

Kari said...

Your bump is adorable!! And you're right it absolutely is worth it!

I totally understand what you mean...sometimes I feel like I don't look pregnant-just like I had wayyyy too big of a dinner. If a stranger would just ask me when I was due I'd feel so much better some days.

Katie said...

Ok, let's just take a moment to talk about how ADORABLE and GORGEOUS you look. Seriously. I'm not just saying that to be nice or because you posted about your body image. You look amazing and don't ever question it. I guess the thing we girls ALL need to learn is how to stop comparing and learn to just be content with what is healthy for us. I know it will be a long, bumpy road for me :)