Thursday, June 28, 2012

Having babies is awesome. Pregnancy is not.

Last night I had a bit of a pregnancy freakout session.
My husband came to check on me (probably because I hadn't moved in hours) and saw I was already in tears.
Then I spouted off everything that was making me feel like I'm going to EXPLODE!
  • Like how I CANNOT handle being sick ONE MORE SECOND! And if I throw up ONE MORE TIME today I'm going to flip a brick!
  • And how I'm crazy stressed about our finances post baby.
  • Probably some of how I'm stressed about what to do after the baby comes. I have to do my internship in August but I don't know if I can leave my baby for that long!
  • And the criticism/advice I recieve on a daily basis is already overwhelming. Sorry that my stomach is bigger than you think it should be. Where did you go to medical school again? You really don't have to tell me ten times that my stomach is too big and there must be something wrong or I need to slow down the eating. I really want to tell them GET OFF MY BACK! I've already lost ten pounds so it's not like I'm overeating...gosh.  [I also had someone tell me today, after I told them I just bought a dresser for baby, that I need to chill out and stop being so obsessed (exact words) with my baby. Can I help that I found an irresistable deal? You need to step off sister!]
  • Maybe a little about how I hate the hormones are changing my personality! I wouldn't say I'm moody, but I'm now extremely inroverted. I am not friendly. I'm just super quiet. When I see people I know or even new people at church, I don't usually say hi. Even though I know that's something I used to do and want to do. I just want to keep to my nasty, sicky self! Plus, what if they smelled up-chuck on my breath? That wouldn't be good for either of us.
  • I get so frustrated our house is still such a mess and there's so much to move in and I can't do anything! I put a load of laundry in the washer and I feel like I just ran a marathon. And then I throw up.
  • And how I feel worthless when all I do it sit in bed and watch wayyyyyy too much hulu. And how I feel lonely because I'm by myself almost all of the time. I know, that kind of contradicts my previous point about being all introverted now, but do I have to make sense when I'm growing a flipping human?!
  • Probably some of how I'm tired of being repulsed by all things edible and I want to just be able to eat like a normal human being.
  • I still have no idea of birth plans. I don't know if I want a natural birth. I don't know if I want a doula. I don't know the answers to those thousands of medical questions about me and my baby. I don't want to just go along with the typical, standard answers if I know nothing about them. Finding unbiased sources is next to impossible.
  • I CAN'T HANDLE ONE MORE DAY BEING SICK!!!!!!!!! I FEEL LIKE I'M GOING TO DIE!!! Did I say that already? I could say it a thousand times and it still wouldn't be enough.
  • How I'm tired of crying at everything. I even cried during a Parks and Rec episode guys. And America's Got Talent. This is serious.
  • And maybe a little bit about how I watched birth videos and I freaked out. My conversation with Clint went a lot like this: "There was a LOT of screaming and a LOT of blood! THERE'S GOT TO BE ANOTHER WAY!!! WHY CAN'T WE BE CHICKENS?!?!?! OR FISH!!!!"
So after I vented to Clint about how my life was obviously ending, I realized the majority of my stress was coming from not feeling prepared and not being able to do much about it. I am a total planner. I feel like I should have everything baby related done like, yesterday. So I told him I wanted to do something to make progress. And that was to go to Goodwill and see if we can find a dresser for baby (yes, the one I mentioned above). It was just what I needed. An hour of quality time with my man and we walked away with an awesome dresser. See! $30! SKA_HORE!

Sorry, I know I have no make up on and I never got out of my PJs that day and I look like death. I even saved this picture on my computer as "death." Death by pregnancy friends, not a pretty sight!

But anywway. The dresser is super cool and I love it. Kind of retro looking, which is my favorite. No, it's different from vintage thankyouverymuch. 

We also met a creepy stuffed baby Shrek

I'm pretty sure I heard it call Clint daddy.


Vivian said...

The best medicine to all that is to take one day at a time. I know it sounds easy to say but with all the ups and down I promise you all the downs will be long forgotten that you will want to have another baby again :)

karajean said...

I am happy b/c I can actually relate to this post, and I know that IT IS AS BAD AS YOU ARE MAKING IT SOUND. Actually, it's worse than that. I am so so sorry! It won't be like this forever (I'm hoping...)!

Kaycie Eddie said...

Aw, you go girl. It sounds rough, but the blessings will come soon enough :) At least you have blog friends to keep you company!

Ali Mills said...

I'm so sorry you feel like this :( I promise you it does get better evenutally. I won't give you any advice though promise ;) I totally understand having everyone give their opinion and making you feel like you're doing everything wrong, you're not. And I LOVE the baby dresser! It's awesome ans good for you getting it early! I hope you feel better soon! Let me know if you need anything girl!

Becca said...

I can relate! I am pregnant with baby #3 and I am so excited,my husband and I have been trying for a while. And already at 6 weeks, I am so over the sickness!! The feeling of nausea never goes away. The only thing that helps is laying down, then that makes me feel worse because I have a 6 and 3 year old. I am so bored and am tired of thinking of food and then gagging and I already look like I am a few months preggo when I am only 6 weeks. I have some extra baggage left from my other two so that's kinda awkward when people ask how far along I am and I say 6 weeks! It does get better, my son was a honeymoon baby and I was a wreck of emotions. Laughing one minute, crying the next, it gets better and it's worth it. I am reminding myself of that everyday. I feel just like you, no makeup, look like death, :) and I have no energy....our goal for today, put on makeup, it will make you feel better!

Nikki & Drew said...

I found something for you, since you like to plan- why not have a checklist?!

maybe it'll help just get ya started and not overwhelm you. man I really hope you start feeling better!

oh! and the stupid person that was talking of your belly, who was it?! I'll kill them!

Rachel Elizabeth said...

First of all, congrats! Second of all, it gets better. Its really really rough at first and then it gets better for a long while and then the end kind of sucks but you have a baby, so it sort of evens out. I had my daughter two weeks before I started my second semester of grad school. The timing was terrible but she's perfect and it worked out. Channel all that energy into getting stuff done for when the baby comes. Planning makes things feel less out of control.

Jennifer said...

Holy crap I could've written this post. I swear when people see a pregnant person their mouth/brain filter goes out the freakin window. It's crazy! If you want some questions answered from "been there done that" moms regarding birth join babycenter. Soo many knowledgeable women.

Shalyn said...

Oh girl, I am so sorry! I wish I had the words to make you feel better. The one thing I know for sure- the minute you meet that precious baby, you will forget about all the sickness/mean people/crazy hormones. Promise!

Ariana Nelson said...

This is why I love having pregnant friends! Venting is MUCH NEEDED!

Okay. I am going to tell you right now what you need to do. Come up with an arsenal of responses to idiotic comments. These could include: "Are you sure it's not twins?" "Oh man, you're going to be so hot this summer" "You're so young!" "Was it an accident?" -yep I've gotten that one.

No need to be overly rude to them though, just a little snarky!

You need to decide your responses ahead of time for two reasons: one, so you feel smart that you prepared. And more importantly, so you can kindly make other people feel stupid for what they just said.


Joran said...

Clint seems very supportive of everything, and I'm sure that helps. I'm sure you'll get through it all, and it will be an amazing experience. Congratulations!

Lauren Gardner said...

What you are feelin is totally normal! Although it SUCKS, its normal and dont worry, you WILL feel like your old self again. I feel ya sister i felt the same a lot of the time. Hang in there. We just went through a move with a month old baby and get to do it again in a month and a half. it sucked. also, giving birth doesnt have to be painful. My thankfully wasnt bad at all! so dont you fret your pretty little head. :) I am here for ya girly! Email me if you want to chat

Emma Frances said...

I have seriously felt every single one of these emotions! Pregnancy is HARD! And it's hard to explain it all to someone who hasn't done it. Luckily we have awesome husbands that put up with our craziness even though it makes no sense sometimes! And seriously, people think they can say anything to pregnant women! I'm not sure why that is but they do and they end up saying some pretty rude things! Do they not know how hormonal we are?! What the heck! I hope you start feeling better soon! And I LOVE the dresser you picked out! I wish we even had a room for our baby! Haha. Moving down to the valley and in with my parents for a few months was NOT part of our plans when we got pregnant! Life is crazy! But it is definitely so worth it! At least I'm pretty sure it will be. I guess I haven't met my little girl just yet!

Emma Frances said...

Oh, and I remember when I was sick I would skip over any blog post, Instagram picture, Facebook post/picture that had to do with food. It's the worst! I hope it goes away soon!

Sean and Deana said...

First of all You Are Amazing Alexis :) Remember that whenever some jerk makes you feel bad. Every pregnancy is different and no one should be saying anything about your belly other than how cute it is. Also I agree about the unbias information search. Everyone has their opinion about what they believe to be "the best" so you will always have a bias one way or the other. My advice is to look at many different ways and see what works for you. There is no wrong way to have a baby. As long as you have a happy healthy baby in the end thats what matters :) Labor isn't scary when you are educated about it. If you have any questions I'm here. I love talking about anything related to pregnancy/labor.

P.s. super cute dresser!

Brittney - The Luycx's said...

Count yourself blessed. I don't know if my Husband and I will ever be able to conceive and I would cut my left foot off to feel a smidgen of morning sickness..or to have people comment on my pregnant belly. It will all be worth it in the end!

Chelsea said...

Note to self: produce offspring via surrogate.

Courtney B said...

Oh Alexis... I am SO SORRY you've been so dang sick. I can only imagine how freakin' hard that is. It was WAY hard just being exhausted and hating food all the time. But the morning sickness? SO sorry! Everyone says it's worth it though... and after you have the baby you don't remember how bad it was being sick all the time. Ha ha, I know, that didn't help at all. SORRY!
And ummm, how do you run into all the mean people in the world? Geez! People need to stop commenting on your tummy (except for me, but I'm starting to get a bump so I won't be as jealous now, ok?) EVERY BODY IS DIFFERENT! One of my good friends told me she had a total basketball for a belly at 13 weeks. But then her belly didn't change for a few weeks so when she was 18 weeks... she was smaller than everyone who told her that she shouldn't have a basketball belly at 13 weeks. And I am OBSESSED with baby. We haven't bought anything yet, but we are always talking about what to by and we're researching now. So people can just shove it. Of course we think/talk about baby all the time and OF COURSE we start buying stuff now. It's so much easier financially to buy stuff throughout the pregnancy than at the end... and when you find killer deals? Amazing!
p.s. Can you teach me how to find killer deals? Because we just can't afford a freakin' $600 dresser. AH!