Last night I had a bit of a pregnancy freakout session.
My husband came to check on me (probably because I hadn't moved in hours) and saw I was already in tears.
Then I spouted off everything that was making me feel like I'm going to EXPLODE!
- Like how I CANNOT handle being sick ONE MORE SECOND! And if I throw up ONE MORE TIME today I'm going to flip a brick!
- And how I'm crazy stressed about our finances post baby.
- Probably some of how I'm stressed about what to do after the baby comes. I have to do my internship in August but I don't know if I can leave my baby for that long!
- And the criticism/advice I recieve on a daily basis is already overwhelming. Sorry that my stomach is bigger than you think it should be. Where did you go to medical school again? You really don't have to tell me ten times that my stomach is too big and there must be something wrong or I need to slow down the eating. I really want to tell them GET OFF MY BACK! I've already lost ten pounds so it's not like I'm overeating...gosh. [I also had someone tell me today, after I told them I just bought a dresser for baby, that I need to chill out and stop being so obsessed (exact words) with my baby. Can I help that I found an irresistable deal? You need to step off sister!]
- Maybe a little about how I hate the hormones are changing my personality! I wouldn't say I'm moody, but I'm now extremely inroverted. I am not friendly. I'm just super quiet. When I see people I know or even new people at church, I don't usually say hi. Even though I know that's something I used to do and want to do. I just want to keep to my nasty, sicky self! Plus, what if they smelled up-chuck on my breath? That wouldn't be good for either of us.
- I get so frustrated our house is still such a mess and there's so much to move in and I can't do anything! I put a load of laundry in the washer and I feel like I just ran a marathon. And then I throw up.
- And how I feel worthless when all I do it sit in bed and watch wayyyyyy too much hulu. And how I feel lonely because I'm by myself almost all of the time. I know, that kind of contradicts my previous point about being all introverted now, but do I have to make sense when I'm growing a flipping human?!
- Probably some of how I'm tired of being repulsed by all things edible and I want to just be able to eat like a normal human being.
- I still have no idea of birth plans. I don't know if I want a natural birth. I don't know if I want a doula. I don't know the answers to those thousands of medical questions about me and my baby. I don't want to just go along with the typical, standard answers if I know nothing about them. Finding unbiased sources is next to impossible.
- I CAN'T HANDLE ONE MORE DAY BEING SICK!!!!!!!!! I FEEL LIKE I'M GOING TO DIE!!! Did I say that already? I could say it a thousand times and it still wouldn't be enough.
- How I'm tired of crying at everything. I even cried during a Parks and Rec episode guys. And America's Got Talent. This is serious.
- And maybe a little bit about how I watched birth videos and I freaked out. My conversation with Clint went a lot like this: "There was a LOT of screaming and a LOT of blood! THERE'S GOT TO BE ANOTHER WAY!!! WHY CAN'T WE BE CHICKENS?!?!?! OR FISH!!!!"
So after I vented to Clint about how my life was obviously ending, I realized the majority of my stress was coming from not feeling prepared and not being able to do much about it. I am a total planner. I feel like I should have everything baby related done like, yesterday. So I told him I wanted to do something to make progress. And that was to go to Goodwill and see if we can find a dresser for baby (yes, the one I mentioned above). It was just what I needed. An hour of quality time with my man and we walked away with an awesome dresser. See! $30! SKA_HORE!
Sorry, I know I have no make up on and I never got out of my PJs that day and I look like death. I even saved this picture on my computer as "death." Death by pregnancy friends, not a pretty sight!
But anywway. The dresser is super cool and I love it. Kind of retro looking, which is my favorite. No, it's different from vintage thankyouverymuch.
We also met a creepy stuffed baby Shrek
I'm pretty sure I heard it call Clint daddy.