Saturday, April 7, 2012

How far I've come

I started going to therapy about a year ago. There have been times where I've gone twice a month, and I've had gaps where I haven't been for 2 months. I'll always be grateful for the opportunity I've had to go.

 I've only written about it here probably 4 times within the year. Basically, I went because I felt like some hard things I went through/will always be some part of my life were holding me back and I wanted to be better. That's what life is about, right?

As embarrassing as this is to admit now, I felt cheated out of life sometimes. I kind of felt like I deserved special treatment because of what I had been through. I use words like sometimes and kind of, because I didn't always feel this way, but sometimes I would kind of feel like that. I was a little bit stuck in the whole this isn't fair.

But now? It's different. Just the simple act of telling someone my story once, sharing tears with someone, and showing them where I've come since then and where I want to go has made all the difference. It sounds silly, but it has given me peace. I've told my story, someone out there on this planet has heard me out [and I still haven't told her everything, but she basically knows], she's cried with me, sympathized with me, and now I can move on. It was like I was always pushing away the "mourning stage" for a more convenient time. I never let myself feel sad. I almost think I thought feeling sad was bad....like it's not allowed. And let me tell you, not letting yourself be sad is exhausting! Well, I've dealt with some things, shaken their "hands", had a lil' cup o DP with those big scary monsters...and now I'm done. Talking about it now almost feels like riding a dead horse. I'm done with it. Fyi, you don't get very far on a dead horse. Horses are more productive alive.

Now I'm ready to see what else the world has to offer me. I'm ready to taste what life is like without *carrying a stupid bag of rocks with me everywhere I go or living with a blasted elephant in my room. It's not like all the problems have magically disappeared, but I've made peace with them instead of ignoring them. I don't know how it works either, but it does! It did for me at least! Anyway, I thought it might help one or two of you to hear this. Or maybe it'll bring me peace later to reflect on this.

Have a great weekend friends!

p.s. feel free to e-mail me [dancewithalexis(at)aol(dot)com] if you have any questions for me about therapy or ever need a friend to talk! :) We're all friends here!

*I'm sad I can't find this post!

5 comments:

Nikskie said...

you are such a strong person Alexis. i'm glad that i've got to know you through your blog.

Chelsea said...

You are AMAZING, Alexis. Seriously. I admire and respect you so much, and I am so grateful to know you. Thank you for sharing your trials. While I can only speak for myself, I do know that what you say is really helpful to a lot of us.

Becca and Derek said...

Good for you to go and find someone to talk to! So inspirational!

Emma Frances said...

Woohoo! :] So happy for you! And after reading your posts about how wonderful therapy has been for you I totally told my husband that if ANYTHING happens in our lives that is crazy at all we or just me are signing up for therapy right away. Haha. I hope nothing crazy happens but it's good to know that help is available. Thanks for sharing your journey!

Erin said...

This is just one more beautiful reminder that I need to take charge of my life. I've been anxious about getting help again because I am a wreck. But I am so happy for you! And I think now I need to be ready, whether I actually am or not.