Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Put the world on stop.

On Saturday afternoon, I was working like I do every Saturday afternoon.
I got a desperate call from my husband telling me that his grandmother had a stroke, which was causing a brain hemmorhage and she wouldn't last through the night.
As soon as we could, we rushed over to see her. Since there was nothing they could do, they transferred her from the hospital to the hospice. She looked so peaceful. Like she was sleeping. And she was absolutely beautiful. The sight of a woman who had lived her life right and would soon be seeing her Father in Heaven.
Being there at the end was difficult. There was not a dry eye in the room. I leaned over to my husband and said something like this:
Isn't it ironic? We are all devestated while she must be so happy. She gets to see Heavenly Father and all her friends and family that have gone before her.
Her time is done. Her test has finished. She's made it to the end!
Since my grandparents have always lived so far away, I haven't had the chance to cultivate relationships with my granparents to the degree Clint has. In this short time, they've become family to me. I'm grateful for the time I've been able to spend with her and the rest of his grandparents.

That being said, her funeral is this weekend...which happens to be the same weekend I've been planning on going to disneyland with my mom, sister, niece, and nephew for months. Basically for over a year since the last time we went. It's all planned and paid for. But what to do? I had decided that I would miss Disneyland. When I talked to him about it, he had the opposite idea. He had known how excited I have been for so long and wouldn't have me miss it.
But still, I'm torn.
I want to be there for my husband. And I want to be able to attend the service. I really have come to love her.
What we've decided is that I would go ahead and go...but if he wanted me back all he'd have to do is give me a call and I'd be on the next flight out. And he can call me at any point. He said that the hardest part is over and I was there for that. But still, I have guilt. What if he wants me back but doesn't call? I feel guilty for going on vacation while such events are going on at home. I've been frantically trying to get everything taken care of for him as best I can. All the laundry is done. I've made meals for him ahead of time. Cleaned. But I still have wife guilt. The dreaded wife guilt.


Annie said...

:( So sad. But so happy that she gets to be with family that has been missing her for some time now.
These things are always hard but lds funerals are always so peaceful and happy. The spirit is always there. Clint won't be alone.
Give him our numbers. We will be happy to help with anything he needs! I'm sure he will be surrounded by family all weekend though.
As for the guilt I would be in the same boat. Tough decision. Say a prayer! (or five!)

LaynahRose said...

Oh no, I'm so sorry.
You're so right about her probably being as happy as ever. You'll see her in the blink of an eye, really, if you take into consideration how long eternity is...

And as for Disneyland I just don't know! That's a really hard decision. Since Clint said you were allready with him through the hardest part and you've spent so long planning it and it's allready paid for...I would probably go to disneyland. Is that horrible??

Ali said...

I'm so sorry hon :( Whatever happens as long as you're there for him (whether in person or through phone) you'll both get through the hard ;) Loves to your hubs and his family <3

Lauren Gardner said...

my prayers are with you and your fam!

Kara said...

Try not to feel too guilty. He'll have his family there to help him and it sounded like you did all you could to help him. I'm sure he's very appreciative of that alone. Enjoy your time there and call as often as possible!

Ariana Nelson said...

That sounds like a super hard choice you had to make. I hope all goes well :)

Shalyn said...

I am so sorry for both of you:-( I like what you said about her being peaceful and HAPPY. I heard someone say once that I bet Heavenly Father feels bad when there is such anguish about one of his children coming back to him- it really is such a blessing to know what we know. She is happy. Still, its not easy for those left behind. And as for your dilemma- hard as it is, I think I would have done the same. I was without my hubby a few months ago at my grandpas funeral and even though I missed having him there, I had the support of my family and grew closer to them because of it. Hopefully that will be his experience as well:-)

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Chelsea said...

Rats. I'm sorry, girl! I'm sorry for your husband, too. He seems like such a sweetheart.

What a hard situation! But girrl. If he says, "Go to Disneyland!" You should. It is the happiest place on the friggin' earth.