Saturday, August 20, 2011

The easy kind of hard.

since so many of you are having problems visiting , I am going to also post todays blog here! :)

It's so hard. Brace yourself. The first year is the hardest. It's only your first marriage. Why give up your freedom? You're too young. He will drive you nuts. It's a lot of getting used to. The first few months are grueling. If it doesn't work out, there's always divorce. Are you doing a prenup? You will grow apart. You're both so young, you will change. The honeymoon stage ends.

Above are a few of the things people told me while dating/being engaged/or since I married my fabulous husband.

Naturally, I was terrified. Not really. Mostly I was excited. But there was a fair amount of terror mixed in there.

Clint and I have been married three months now, and I'm still waiting for any of the above comments to show some kind of truth. There's a small part of me just waiting for the day when the clock strikes midnight, and marriage turns into the so unpleasant thing that's been described to me way too often. But much deeper down, I know that as long as I have anything to say about it, it's not gonna happen.

That being said, I hate to focus on the negative. So many sweet people said things like:

Best decision I ever made 33 years ago. Married my sweet wife 40 years ago and she's just as beautiful today as the day I married her. Love my husband more and more each day. We have 3 beautiful kids together. My wife is the light of my life.

While I don't want to focus on the negative, it was more prevalent. Even my close friends, who I know are great people, would hint at the trials that come with marriage. I took a huge leap of faith not really knowing what I was getting into. Really, you can't know what the next million years are going to hold with someone. That's a lot of trust kids! But I knew enough. I knew I loved my husband more than I've ever loved before. Possibly more importantly, I felt more loved than I ever had in my relatively short lifetime of 21 years.

Still, it makes me wonder why it's been so easy. Let's be clear. It has not been perfect. We're two imperfect people. Our neighbors may have heard a slammed drawer or fridge door a time or two [my bad. sorry babe!]. We have had moments when our relationship and love for each other has been tested. Regardless, I think it's been so "easy" because we choose to focus on all the great things. The arguments come and [hopefully/usually] leave as quickly as they come. Then we're left with a strengthened, and even more loving relationship. Obviously, we're newlyweds and still have a lot to learn. But I figure if we've made it through the first .25 year of the "hardest year of marriage", then we're doing pretty gosh darn good.

I completely believe that you get out of things what you put into them. It's like school. When you do the work, come to class prepared, read the material, do your homework, take notes, and study, you're going to get a heckuva lot more out of it than if you just show up and sleep through class. Marriage is the same. The more you put into it, the even better it becomes. It's really incredible when you think about it. :)

found this on the wonderful Annie Marie's pinterest. Go ahead and "like" her right now.


Elizabeth and Kyle @ Love Is the Adventure said...

People will come at you with all their opinions about marriage and when/how it's supposed to get hard. And it's hard, yeah. But in different ways and at different times for different people. I don't really remember the first year of marriage being so difficult for us. Later years...yes. The first year kind of seemed like a breeze. But honestly, I can't say that Kyle and I have actually had a "bad" year, yet, and we've made it through five. There have been bad days and months. I have experienced some of the darkest, most frightening moments of my life as a married woman. We have certainly said horrible things to each other and had some really terrible fights. But I've always thought that falling in love is a feeling but staying in love...that's a choice. I may not FEEL in love with Kyle every moment but I choose to continue to love, even when it hurts, when it really, really sucks, when it's harder to hold on than to let go.

And honestly, God is a huge part of that. I can truthfully say that God has kept Kyle and I together in His hands when I was so ready to run, to abandon Kyle and throw away my promise. God holds us together again and again.

Congratulations on your first 3 months! Wishing you thousands and thousands more. :)

Whitney said...

I love this! We must be on the same wavelength, because I'm currently working on a post on this dame topic. My husband and I have married 2 months, but been together 2 years. It is easy for us. With us, there were no surprises since we spent the majority of our nights together while we wrre dating. When we were engaged, we moved inti together. I totally agree about you get what you put in. If you want to stay in the honeymoon phase, you can but you have to make an effort.

Sara Shoemaker said...

I love this! so real. marriage isn't always a picnic but it's so worth it. don't let people's own negative experiences influence you!

The House of Shoes