Friday, July 1, 2011

I contradict contradictions.

Whenever I see imperfections in others, it makes me feel like I'm not so bad.
Not in a I'm-better-than-you-because-you-do-blakity-blank kinda way.
But because I see a great person, who I love, that has imprefections- and they're still amazing!
So maybe, that means it's okay that I have a few too.
It's easier for me to be tolerant of others' faults than my own.
I realize that it's okay for others to be sad, feel upset, forget something, make mistakes...but if it's me, it is NOT okay. If I loose my patience once I must be an impatient person. I beat myself up about it til the sunrises...and then start over. Lather rise repeat.

I'm such a perfectionist about my conduct, but I'm so not a perfectionist with a thousand other things.
And there you have it, I'm a perfect imperfectionist. Or an imperfect perfectionist. Whatever you prefer- I aim to please!

 I'm a walking contradiction. 

But then I realize that we all are.
Characteristics aren't absolute.
If someone is patient it doesn't mean they are 100% of the time.
If someone is smart it doesn't mean they can't get a bad grade.
If someone is frugal, it doesn't mean they never splurge on something they love.

I have a million of those.
  • Despite my perfectionism for myself, I actually prefer some things imperfect. I liked when my choreographed dances didn't look perfect. I love when something I make looks handmade, not perfect. I like when a few hairs are out of place. I like freckles. I really see beauty in imperfections.
  • I've very independant, but I feel loved when someone serves me. 
  • I'm smart with problem solving, but I stink at tests and memorizing.  
  • Sometimes I'm confident, sometimes I'm not.
  • I'll have strawberry qunioa home-made cereal for breakfast, but a Dr. Pepper and chocolate with my lunch.
  • I'm fine being lazy days on vacation, but can't be lazy for a half hour to watch a TV show.
  • I am stubborn about 24% of the time. A pushover for 12% of the time. And somewhere inbetween the rest of the 64%
  • I had never cried in a movie until recently. Now I cry during 30 second commericals. The dog ones get me every time. There's a reason I don't keep my credit card close when I watch TV.
  • I think more than $10 is way too expensive for a shirt, but I have no problem buying all the healthy [expensive] produce. Why are all the high antioxidant foods so expensive? Berries. Avacados. Bell Peppers.
  • Sometimes I care what people think, sometimes I don't.
  • I hate talking on the phone or texting but could talk in person for hours on end.
  • I'm all into time-management but sometimes spend more time managing my time than getting stuff done. Writing a to-do list is my favorite thing to do. 
  • All I've wanted to do since I was two years old was be the best mom in the world. Now that it's a possible reality, it scares me half to death. Wait...a newborns head is HOW big?!  

One thing is for sure:

I myself am made entirely of flaws, stitched together with good intentions. - Augusten Burroughs

I haven't figured myself out yet. So tell me, what are some of your contradictions?

Photos courtesy of my amazing friend, Andrea Wanlass at Anlyn Photography.
First two photos are unedited.


Jennifer said...

I love this b/c I am SUCH a perfectionist about so many things. However, I've tried to get over those ways in recent years. I'm a recovering perfectionist? I totally beat myself up about the smallest things too. But like you said, just because we are impatient once, doesn't make you an impatient person...or whatever.

Have a lovely day girl!

Kristine said...

Love this! I can be such a perfectionist... plus I always want to be in control :/ Ugh, those ASPCA and Humane Society commercials get me every time... I'm such a sap when it comes to animals!


LaynahRose said...

Love. This is too true.

haha whenever I clean my room or anywhere I want something askew so it doesnt look like I spent too much time on it or something, idk.

And I cant wear the same color twice in a row when I hang out with someone. If i wear blue the first time we hang out, I cant wear blue the second time we hang out.

Megan said...

Love this post...I think it definitely works for me, too! I tend to be a major perfectionist with most things. You are gorgeous. That last picture is amazzzzing!!

And I'm totally scared to become a mom, too. Although I can't wait!!

brandilyn said...

OH MY GOSH when i first looked at that last picture it looked like you were missing the bottom half of your leg and i freaked out and was like, "wait how did i not know this about her??" but then looked closer and your toe's just pointed and i'm weird.

Chelsea said...

This is fantastic.

I feel like our blogs are really similar. Ha ha. I bet we'd be friends in real life.

I am a total walking contradiction. Like, I am really strict about counting calories . . . but if I see a piece of cake I want, I'll pretend it has zero calories and doesn't effect my daily total. Awesome, right?

Chelsea said...

P.S. You are a total babe. That first picture (well, all of them) is stunning.

Kelsey and Covey said...

amazing post! hmmm, my contradictions... i am a vegetarian.. but i often don't like eating my vegetables. haha. I have to combine them in a recipe so that I'll like them. I struggle to eat them plain. something I am trying to train myself to be better at:) love your blog! new follower:)

Kaycie said...

True true! I think we all do that!

Shalyn said...

I love this post so much I read it twice;-) I feel the exact SAME WAY about your last contradiction- we have waited 4 years to have a baby and now that we are trying I am FR-EAKING out! ha. Gorgeous pictures!