Tuesday, March 29, 2011

That hurts!

I've been reading this book to prepare for being a wife. I'm hoping to be the best one out there, I'll let you all know how well that one goes over...
A good friend suggested this book to me when I got engaged. The book is a little old fashioned and the author can be flat out mean, in my opinion, but that doesn't change the fact that 99% of the time, she has a really good point. It's stuff you know if you think about logically, but sometimes we forget. Today I read about criticism. You all know I'm probably the worst person at taking it, and I'm not proud of that. I'll definitely need to work on that as a wife. It can be positive and helpful in a marriage. However, the kind I read about today was the negative kind. The kind that flows out of our mouths so effortlessly, even from the mouths of those who have a hard time giving any praise. After reading about this, I feel like men need more words of praise than we give them credit for. We sometimes think of them as being tough and independent, not needing our validation. It seems like contention stems usually from criticism. I feel like the following two excerpts hit the nail on the head.

"All of this criticism of men does not make them feel more loving, and it also makes the complaining wife feel less love for her husband. That's true; the very act of criticism destroys warm feelings towards the target of that criticism. But on the other hand, the simple elimination or diminution of criticism adds to loving feelings."

"The result is women get married thinking largely about what their marriage and their man can do for them, and not what they can do for their men. And when there is so little emphasis on the giving, the nitpicking and pettiness chews up and spits out what could have been a good marriage."

Good right? You can buy the book from amazon for a penny here: http://www.amazon.com/Proper-Care-Feeding-Husbands/dp/0060520612 oh, with $4 S&H. Photo cred also goes there.

When we think about the positive in a person, we can displace the annoyances or criticism. This applies 100% to a marriage, but it can apply to every other relationship too. No one likes to feel like they're under a magnifying glass, waiting for every wrong move they make to be pointed out. How much more power for good can our words be if we use them to uplift and support?

Okay, time to cut the cheese and move on. Ew. Gross guys! Not like that.
 I love his kisses.
 I love his eyes so much!
 Won't we have cute blonde babies?
 I had an idea to take a picture outside the outhouse because I'm classy like that.
I wasn't lying when I said bombarded. Engagement photos don't count as cheesy right?

Today Clint and I had lunch at Hungry Howie's in Tempe. We were sitting outside when a homeless man comes up to us to ask for money. Clint grabs him some change. The man says, "hey, you aren't Mormon by chance are you?" We told him that we were. Tears filled in his eyes as he told us about how (if I understood correctly) he was a branch president in our church (a position of leadership). He went through a divorce and his life basically crumbled. Now his family is living in Utah, and he wants nothing more than to be with them again. He sat down and shared some stories with us. He met Spencer W Kimball, a former prophet of God, in person. I would have never guessed by looking at him where his life once was. It's true that where he was is a result of some poor choices he has made, but that doesn't change the real-ness of his pain and suffering. He asked us to pray with him. Right outside Hungry Howies, we gave a prayer for Terry to be watched over and to be able to contact his family. Sometimes we look at people and forget that they are filled with the same limitless potential as all of us are. Here was a man with a good heart in a very limiting situation. He asked if he could come to church with us. We told him when and where and hope to see him soon.

Be extra nice today. And tomorrow. And the next day. No matter how much or how little you know about a person, there's no way you can know everything. They may be facing something or have potential far beyond our imagination. It does no good for anyone to place people in a bubble.


amy (metz) walker said...

VERY cute pics!

And, hey, so....not that you asked my opinion...but THE best thing I/we ever did for our marriage is listen to the Song of Solomon series by Tommy Nelson (Denton Bible Church, Denton, TX) together. Such an honest, godly view of marriage!!! If you get a chance listen to it and let me know what you think!

Ashley said...

So, I've never even heard of that book...but it sounds pretty neat! Before we got married, I read "To Become One" by Chris Seay and I really learned a lot....most importantly, the book teaches that when you take the focus off "me" and put it on Christ, your relationship together will truly come to life.

You photos are beautiful. You two are one cute couple!!!

Rylie said...

pretty pictures. :)

Kelsey said...

Your engagement pictures that you showed are so gosh darn cute! You two make an adorable couple.

XO Kelsey

D.B. Woolston said...

Loved the story. Awesome.

Elyssa @ Little LightUps said...

Hi there! I'm visiting from "How I Shine" Fridays on Ashley's blog!

I hope you reach your goal to be the best wife you can possibly be! Your story about the homeless man was very heartfelt...I always tell people to help out the homeless because you never know where they came from and what their story is. Also, we never know when WE could end up in a similar situation. Compassion should always be paid forward...that's my motto!

Thanks for sharing...feel free to check out my post in the link party as well! =)

Ashley@Heart2Heart said...

SO HAPPY to have found your blog!! I LOVE your pictures...you two just look amazing together!! Thanks for inspiring me!

Kevin & Ashley said...

Hey! Take a look at The Act of Marriage and They Were Not Ashamed...I bought mine at the BYU Bookstore but you can get them lots of places :) Good luck! You'll love marriage! It's great! And props to you for reading books on how to better yourself for your husband!

And totally tell us if that one thigh 'get in shape' thing works haha.

Ashley Sloan