Monday, March 3, 2014

Needs

Something I've always admired about my angelic little girl is her ability to innocently and without apology assert her needs. 

If she is hungry, tired, needs extra love or some alone time, she lets me know. 
I think this is something we gradually lose as we get older. I'm almost 24 and I have to consciously think about my needs and remind myself to take care of them. Some of my needs include girl time, time to myself, and quality time with my husband and baby. Sometimes we don't really think of them as needs because we don't die without them, but I feel like they're vital to our sanity and maintaining our sense of self. I will have a crazy day where I want to pull my hair out and drown my sorrows in chocolate... and then I have to step back and realize I'm not taking care of my needs. Also, sleep. That's a huge need for me. I've heard over and over in my life, "you need to take care of yourself before you can take care of others," often paired with the analogy of the masks in the airplane, and I've always brushed it off. I might be able to get dinner made and take care of my people when I'm running on empty, but I'm doing the bare minimum and I'm certainly not happy about it. When I take the time to take care of myself including physical needs and doing activities that recharge me, I'm much better able to take care of my family. I'm happier, and they're happier. The whole, "no body is happy if momma ain't happy" saying is so true. 
(this was after we got our marriage license. Man, I love that boy)

This is SO important in a marriage. Clint and I recently had a little "bump" in our relationship because we weren't communicating our needs. Clint needs time to go mountain biking, watch youtube videos, and learn about cars to fill his bucket. We all have different things that recharge us. Doing what you love is never wasted time. In marriage as well as in any relationship, I think it's so important to be open and honest with your needs. I think we apologize too much for them as well. I'm so guilty of this. I feel so horrible if I haven't made dinner when Clint comes home, especially if it was because I took some time for myself that day. It saves a lot of heartache to communicate. It really is the key to any real, lasting relationship. Plus, don't you want to meet the needs of your friends an family? You just need to know what they are. 

So, Hi. My name is Alexis. I need breaks. I need alone time. I need time to take care of my body. I need time to read, watch silly shows on Netflix, and paint my nails. I need to pursue hobbies and interests even if I only have time to do a tiny portion of what I want to. I have an intense need for creativity. I need interaction with others. I need to feel validated. I need to help others. I need to feel like I have a purpose. I need to ditch the dishes and read "Mr. Brown Can Moo" 50 times over. I need dates with my husband. I need to hold hands. I need to laugh and smile.
(Ainsley isn't so good at fulfilling my needs of snuggles)

When I fulfill my needs, I am a happier, much better person. And I'm not even sorry about it. BAM. 

7 comments:

Elise Frederickson said...

This is perfect and I love it. :)

Annastasia Richardson said...

yup. ain't that the truth!
and now you have inspired me to write my own blog post. ;)

Camille Millecam Whiting said...

Love this, and it's just so true at all phases of life!

Camille Millecam Whiting said...

Love this, and it's just so true at all phases of life!

Megan said...

Yes to all of this!! I'm so bad at speaking up about my needs too and then I end up blowing up at everyone... Ha. It's so so important. Even if it's just a short nap :) I'm glad you are able to speak up more about it!

Eric said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Leah said...

Toddlers stink at cuddling, I have found out! I am constantly telling JJ that I have cuddle-needs, and he is constantly not cuddling. Toddlers stink at communication.