Wednesday, October 30, 2013

An open letter to the seasoned mom

Dear experienced, amazing, rockstar, seasoned mom, 

You are incredible. Seriously. I look up to you so much. I think anyone who has more than one child should have a national monument erected in their honor.

And then if you manage to get dressed on top of that? 

Woah.

Super hero.

But really. You're really great. Really really really great.

Sometimes, I feel like the rookie moms like myself and the seasoned mom, like yourself, aren't always supportive to each other. Well, I'd like to call a truce. I don't mean to make something out of nothing. I'm not trying to make it sound like there's a gruesome war going on. BUT, I've received some pretty hard verbal blows from the seasoned mommies.I know it goes both ways. The newbie rookie moms criticize the experienced moms just as much. I also don't like playing the "who has it easier" game. I think that leaves both parties feeling discouraged. I'm not trying to get into that though. 

What I mean to say is, I want to be friends. I feel like we could be much more of a force for good if we supported each other more. 

So, what do you say? You don't judge me when I freak out the first time my baby has a fever or when I look like I'm packing for a week long vacation in the Bahamas the first time I go to the grocery store with my babe... and I won't judge you for bringing a bag full of "sugar bribes" to make it through a trip to the DMV. Maybe we could learn something from each other? It's possible.

I could sum up the whole post with this:
Motherhood is hard enough without facing the judgement of other moms. We're in this together. 

Again, I admire you. 
You are doing hard, hard work.
I look up to you.

Sincerely,

Alexis, RM*

RM= rookie mom

9 comments:

:: ashley :: said...

Agreed! There is nothing like the first time you have a baby, hats off to you! It's so hard, emotionally especially. Once you get the hang of it time flies and the days get easier. stressful & exhausting still, but you know how to go with the flow. You will be just fine :-)

:: ashley :: said...

Agreed! There is nothing like the first time you have a baby, hats off to you! It's so hard, emotionally especially. Once you get the hang of it time flies and the days get easier. stressful & exhausting still, but you know how to go with the flow. You will be just fine :-)

Sean and Deana said...

I'm not sure if I'm a seasoned mom or a rookie haha. I have 2 kids now so maybe seasoned? But I feel like a rookie with a lot of parenting things too. Somethings are harder or easier for some. We all are doing our best :) you rock too.

Emma Frances said...

This is good stuff Alexis. :] I think we definitely need to be reminded not to judge each other and just be friends more often! Or just remember so we don't have to be reminded--either way works! Haha.

Jenna Foote said...

I've written so many posts like this. The worst is when the moms questioning your parenting methods are your mother-in-law who hasn't had a small child in 30 years or your 20-year-old sister who has no kids at all. Awesome, right?

I'm really sorry if I've ever said anything to make you feel "judged." I know I am a lame mom who could improve in a lot of ways. Most ways, actually. I try but I usually fail. Oh well, that's what tomorrow is for.

I've adopted a new thought process, and that is to ask myself "Is so-and-so REALLY judging me, or just trying to help?" A lot of the times I'm just assuming people are judging me as a parent because that's what social media has conditioned us to believe (hence, the term "mommy wars"). But a lot of people believe it takes a village to raise a child, so advice is not only warranted but welcome. I tend to find myself somewhere in the middle -- I don't want tons of advice but I don't really want to do it all alone, either.

So, I guess we just have to be careful about how we offer our advice and in what spirit we are doing it. Is it out of kindness and love? Or is it out of self-righteousness and smugness?

Sarah said...

I hope you've never felt judged by me. This mommy business is the hardest thing ever! Honestly, you make me feel more normal becuase your experiences mirror my own. Thank you for sharing!

Jacquie Lyman said...

Amen to moms of more than one kid deserving a monument. Amen.

Siri Baxter said...

Great point! All moms could learn so much just by being a little kinder. I am already trying to learn all that I can from your and other blogger mom's blogs.

Caitlyn said...

Well said...Hopefully you haven't felt that from me!! You are doing an amazing job-the proof is in the pudding: Have you seen your cute daughter? Each child and each mom bring their own talents and strengths as well as their deficiencies to the equation and you know what's best for you and your child(ren). And, above all, we can rely on the Lord to help us with our imperfections since we all have them!