Something I've struggled with since I've crossed the line into motherhood is feeling like what I'm doing matters. A big part of my day is pretty monotonous.
Diapers. Dishes. Laundry. Cooking. Cleaning. Grocery shopping. Baths. More Laundry. More Dishes.
Lather, rinse, repeat.
A hundred times over.
In a week.
I struggle with the repetition.
And the feeling that my work is never done.
Trying to keep a house clean with a baby is a whole new ball game.
Also, taking care of a 17 pound human is actually hard work.
The thing about having a baby is that they can't tell you how they feel. While I love being around Ainsley, sometimes I feel it doesn't make a difference to her who changes her diapers or plays with her. To keep the house clean, I could just as easily work full time and hire a house cleaning service (although I still would love to hire someone!). See, I'm easily replaced, right?
Ainsley came into our lives sooner than we were planning. If it was up to me, I would probably be working 50+ hours a week finishing my dietetic internship and accomplishing great things, by the world's standards.
I care about God's standards.
Regardless of religous affilition, it's inspiring.
The fact that Ainsley came into our lives when she did gives me the impression that Heavenly Father thinks that being a mom to Ainsley right now is more important than anything else I could be doing with my life. That thought brings tears to my eyes.
After reading this talk, I felt like my job is important. Heavenly Father approves of how I spend my days even if I feel like I accomplished nothing at the end of the day. What I do largely can make or break a peaceful environment for my family to preside in. While it's not necessarily important to have an immaculate home, it's important that I keep our home from being chaotic. It's important that Ainsley has her mom home to shower her with a million kisses. I absolutely think nothing less of working moms. I mean to say that I'm grateful for my opportunity to spend my days with my little Ainsley pot.
It doesn't just matter for her, it matters for me. I believe that God gives you the experiences you need to be molded into what He wants you to become. I know that the struggles I've been going through are only to better me in the end and I will eventually be grateful for them. I'm grateful for a loving Heavenly Father who knows me and knows what I need.
I guess my thought today is a simple one.
Being a mother matters.