Monday, May 20, 2013

Really? Another Post about after-baby-body?

Lately I've been thinking about doing outfit posts. I'll never be a fashion blogger, but just a post here and there. I thought it might help my self esteem which seems to be at an all time low. I know, that sounds vain. But I don't think I'm the only one who feels better about themselves when they look presentable and knowing I'd be taking pictures would give me motivation to put some effort into my appearance. 

Yesterday was my first try. First you should know that it was super awkward because as soon as we stepped outside to take a few shots, so did our neighbor amd I could feel him staring at me. Aside from that, I was feeling pretty good yesterday. 
Then I saw the photos. 
Let's just say they had the opposite effect I was hoping for! 
This is the only photo I hated least enough to post. 
 I know. I sound really dramatic. Sorry. I know that it's silly I'm having such a hard time adjusting to my new body. In the grand scheme of things, it matters little to nothing what you look like. I just feel like I'm doing all I can and I'm not seeing any changes. In the past three months of working out and eating right I haven't lost a pound. I don't care how many people think weight loss is all calories, it's not. If there's one thing I learned in my four years studying nutrition it's that losing weight is really hard. Exercise and nutrition can play a huge role, but hormones and metabolism aren't just made up words. And I'm getting really tired of catching people staring at my stomach trying to figure out if I'm pregnant again....okay that happened once. But still! Give a sister a break! 
 I know having this beautiful little girl should be enough. Feeling bad about how I look doesn't effect how much I love her, but I still want better for her. I want her to have a good example of a confident mother. If she ever thought the way about herself that I feel about myself right now, it'd break my heart. I want to teach her to be confident. I decided that instead of putting all my effort into losing weight (which I still plan to keep exercising and eating well), I need to put more effort into just accepting how things are right now. It's more important that I'm nursing my baby and trying to do what's best for her, right? I know I sound ridiculous. Please be patient with me! 
I shouldn't be too concerned. Really though, who is going to be looking at me when I'm toting around this little beauty?
 And then she hit me in the face.
(not kidding)

I like her. 


Brooklyn McKenna said...

Girl you look great AND healthy! Your baby girl is beautiful and you dont even want to know about the hair envy I have for you ;)

lj said...

Don't be so hard on yourself! That's easier to tell someone else than to do yourself, but do as I say, not as I do hehe! Maybe some nudes would be a better approach to confidence photography?

If you don't mind my asking, what kinds of exercises do you do? What do you eat? I have no idea what I'm doing. Send me an email if you want!

Anonymous said...

Cant wait to meet her!!!!!!!!! soo cute! and see you again!

Kristen said...

You are beautiful, and so is your little girl!

Kaycie Eddie said...

For what it's worth, I think you look gorgeous in these pictures! And your hair looks so luscious and pretty. :) I know how hard it can be to change your opinion of yourself once it's low; I'm going through something similar. You're wonderful, especially in your little girl's eyes.

Emma Frances said...

You already know my sob story about this! SO FRUSTRATING! It is so hard learning to be confident in our new bodies. You do look absolutely gorgeous in these pictures though! And your baby is a stinkin' cutie! I really do think people look at moms less once they have adorable babies attached to their hips at all times! Haha. THANK GOODNESS!! :]

Denise said...

Have you heard of herbalife?? I've never used it but I know a ton of people who do and they all get insane results! I don't know if its something you can do while breast feeding but maybe look into it? But if you ask me you look fab as always :)

Becca said...

First, you look great! Second, I know how you feel! I was so excited to be pregnant with my son and just thought that my body would go back to relatively the same size/shape afterwards. Nope! I was wrong! I started at a lower weight, gained 50lbs and had a c section because he was 10lbs 4 oz on his due date! Everyone told me, don't worry you will loose weight if you nurse. I did but I didn't loose much weight. My hips, ribs, butt, everything was wider then it was before, and now I had this stretched out stomach that I didn't have before. My skin never went back. I always had this poochy belly with the stretched skin that I was trying to hide. I struggled with that for a long time! I had to get new clothes because I couldn't fit into any of them and I stated wearing shirts that gathered under the bust so as not to accentuate my new curves. It took a long time, and I still have issues with my body but when I learned how to work with what I had not focus on what I had before, it got better. It was a journey for me though. It will get better, I promise. I am pregnant for the 4th time and I'm sure I will not know how to dress myself after my daughter comes, :) It's like those 9 months make us forget, ;)You look gorgeous now, but what I did was just look for clearance items that will help show off what you have now. Wear belts higher on the waist like when you were preggo. I had to wear things that came to my calf not knee because my legs chunked up, heels make you look longer and girly, longer loose tops. Have fun experimenting,:)

Annastasia Richardson said...

Good for you.
I think you are doing a fantastic job handling this struggle. and even though in the big picture, and logically, it "shouldn't matter" compared to having Ainsley and the important job of being a mother, but that doesn't automatically make it go away or make you feel like a size 0 model. Saying you will be confident and not care too much about how you look is MUCH easier said than done. But there is pride in trying, and in being grateful for what you do have even if you aren't perfect at being grateful for what you don't have too. There is pride in TRYING. There is pride in treating your body well (exercise and eating right), and ESPECIALLY when doing those things are yielding the results everyone told you they would, or that they did for other people.
You are awesome.
Be grateful in this trial. (again, I know that is far easier said than done)
Be proud of trying to be better.
Work with what you have.
Focus on the positive.
Be proud that you are doing something difficult.
and honestly- pray that you will love your new body. It seems vain or maybe even inappropriate to pray to like yourself and the way you look but I've done it. I've done it when I knew I had a big event the next day that I wanted to look good for and I've done it when I was gaining the newlywed weight.
you can do it! :)
Also stand in front of the mirror and turn your body different ways. Pose in the bathroom and see which angles are most flattering before you take a picture. prints and patterns and point of view can all affect how big/small you look to the camera. Even I do it if I want a photo of my outfit. :)

Michelle Lamoreaux said...

Honestly Alexis, you look great. But it is definitely hard to emotionally deal with a different body post-baby - kinda like everything else post-baby is different and a lot of times hard. I was reading about breastfeeding on Wikipedia yesterday (and other places) and found a tidbit I didn't know about. I guess a lot of the fat reserves your body builds during pregnancy don't actually start getting used for breastfeeding until after 3 months postpartum... So - there may be hope yet that Ainsley can help you out there :) But even if not, you're still adorable and so is that baby!!!

Lisa said...

Cute outfit and totally love the pop of red.