Lately I've been thinking about doing outfit posts. I'll never be a fashion blogger, but just a post here and there. I thought it might help my self esteem which seems to be at an all time low. I know, that sounds vain. But I don't think I'm the only one who feels better about themselves when they look presentable and knowing I'd be taking pictures would give me motivation to put some effort into my appearance.
Yesterday was my first try. First you should know that it was super awkward because as soon as we stepped outside to take a few shots, so did our neighbor amd I could feel him staring at me. Aside from that, I was feeling pretty good yesterday.
Then I saw the photos.
Let's just say they had the opposite effect I was hoping for!
This is the only photo I hated least enough to post.
I know. I sound really dramatic. Sorry. I know that it's silly I'm having such a hard time adjusting to my new body. In the grand scheme of things, it matters little to nothing what you look like. I just feel like I'm doing all I can and I'm not seeing any changes. In the past three months of working out and eating right I haven't lost a pound. I don't care how many people think weight loss is all calories, it's not. If there's one thing I learned in my four years studying nutrition it's that losing weight is really hard. Exercise and nutrition can play a huge role, but hormones and metabolism aren't just made up words. And I'm getting really tired of catching people staring at my stomach trying to figure out if I'm pregnant again....okay that happened once. But still! Give a sister a break!
I know having this beautiful little girl should be enough. Feeling bad about how I look doesn't effect how much I love her, but I still want better for her. I want her to have a good example of a confident mother. If she ever thought the way about herself that I feel about myself right now, it'd break my heart. I want to teach her to be confident. I decided that instead of putting all my effort into losing weight (which I still plan to keep exercising and eating well), I need to put more effort into just accepting how things are right now. It's more important that I'm nursing my baby and trying to do what's best for her, right? I know I sound ridiculous. Please be patient with me!
I shouldn't be too concerned. Really though, who is going to be looking at me when I'm toting around this little beauty?
And then she hit me in the face.
I like her.