Thursday, October 4, 2012

Immortal magical unicorn pregnancy princess fairies

At my first OB appointment, I got a bunch of magazines.
Baby magazines
Pregnancy magazines
Sales Catalogues

One thing they all had in common, well besides being about babies and pregnancy, was they all had pregnant women in them.

Let's just talk about this for a minute.
First, the subject of pregnancy nudity. How is it all of a sudden okay to have naked (aside from a strategically placed hand or logo) women everywhere? This doesn't mean I don't think pregnancy and bodies are beautiful. I could just do without the nudity. Anyone else?


These women are not normal, probably not even human.
They look mega sexy [see nudity tangent above] while I...haven't shaved my legs in two weeks.
They managed to put on a 15 layer outfit when I can hardly pull up my pants.
They have perfectly "glowing" skin and hair while I have acne, grays, and have lost basically all my precious blonde.
They look full of life and energy while I am ready to pass out by noon. And by noon I mean at about 9am.
They exercise in tiny workout "clothes" while I consider walking to classes in comfy t-shirt dresses more exercise than prudent.
They cook meals of quinoa, swiss chard, butternut squash and tofu while I consider eating more than a serving of veggies a day a victory over gag reflexes everywhere.

[I thought about inserting some images here of "pregnant women", but they're just too painful. Pick up your nearest issues of Fit Pregnancy and you'll know what I mean]

To cope with these traumatic visuals, at first I just figured these women weren't actually pregnant and were just models with pillows stuffed under their designer dresses. The problem is there's a lot of pictures that expose the bellies. They look kind of real.

So, I've concluded they're just

Immortal Magical Unicorn Pregnancy Princess Fairies

Really, it's the only logical solution.  


Mary said...

I agree. Perfect description. I never understood showing off the pregnant naked lady- I never even wanted people to see my naked stomach when I was pregnant. You captured the thought of pregnant women everywhere. =]

Mikelle Jade {The Honeypie Archives} said...

haha you are hilarious. But yes, it's like I'm already kind of weirded out about pregnant bodies-- especially ones that are not my own, so to add nudity, it's like eeek so weird! I have a friend that does weird maternity shoots, and asked if I wanted one... ummmm no. gross, I wouldn't want to see how those kind of photos turned out, so I don't know who would!

Gentri said...

hahahahahahahahah! You are hilarious and a BEAUTIFUL pregnant woman. :)

Sean and Deana said...

Photoshop! Its out to ruin womens self esteem everywhere! I'm sure those women are just as tired and imperfect as the next prego but they probably got to nap before their photo shoot and then magical photoshop came in and did the rest. Pregnancy is a beautiful thing but I don't want to see it naked. haha I didn't even want to look at myself naked when I was pregnant.

Kylie said...

I agree with the above commenter: photoshop. Also, money is quite the persuader to do things no other pregnant woman would ;)

Katie said...

I just...I just always love reading your blog. Like, it's probably like one of three that I actually read regularly. And I completely agree! The seemingly-acceptable pregnancy nudity is just weird! And makes me feel awkward. And I've seen pictures of you and I would say that you fit into the IMUPPF (Immortal Magical Unicorn Pregnancy Princess Fairies) category, so don't even worry 'bout it.

katilda said...

i want you to dress up as a IMUPPF for halloween.

Elise Frederickson said...

I'm with Katilda. Only, please let nudity not be your costume.

Megan said... are funny!!! And so true!

Sara Shoemaker said...

haha! You are hilarious! I was wondering what this post would be about when I read the title. I've noticed that the pregger ladies in magazine do look suspiciously fake. And I Know they're photoshopped a bit when I hear all the pregnancy stories from my friends. psh.

The House of Shoes

Kari said...

Have you ever seen What to Expect When You're Expecting?!

When Elizabeth Banks talks about the "glow" and goes off on her tangent? Yep..preach it, sister.

I definitely don't feel sexy or cute. Hell I've always had tree trunk they're just thicker tree trunks!! And let's not get into how much bigger my butt is now!!

It's so worth it though!

Jeannee said...

Well-said! It's because u r looking at magazines that r about selling products. If u want to see real pregnant women like yourself - well, u already know about blogs :) - u could also try something like Mothering Magazine!

Shay said...

You crack me up! I am so with you- pregnancy nudity is a no-no!