Tuesday, December 13, 2011

I don't know what scruples means.

Meet my friend Katie. Apparently she changed her blog name. It used to be "scruples", hence the title, but now it's Katilda? Well, either way. Katie is a delight! We know each other in real life too! Aweseom yeah? She's a super optimistic lover of people! You will love her back, I'm sure :)

I'm usually a pretty solid "live and let live" kind of person when it comes to the trivial matters in life. But at some point during my many childhood, I developed several strong opinions about what constitutes a proper display of Christmas lights and what crosses the line into garish-holiday-monstrosity territory. Can we say I'm an official authority on the subject? Since I'm the one writing this, ima go with yes.

Behold, the 3 Commandments of Christmas Light Displays:

[*cue epic theme music*]
1. Thou Shalt Use Appropriate Levels of Voltage

You know that scene in How the Grinch Stole Christmas, where Betty Lou Who vandalizes a traffic light to add epic levels of electrical cheer to her home? I swear there are actually people like this out there. We've all seen those houses -- the ones that make you feel like you need polarized sunglasses and a thick layer of sunscreen to even stand in the vicinity. This type of light display screams "keeping up with the Jones," and I don't recommend touching it with a 10-foot pole -- especially not a metal one.

2. Thou Shalt Not Be Monochromatic

I'll come out and say it: what's with the blue lights? There's one in every neighborhood -- that house that glows more like an extraterrestrial pod than a hub of yuletide cheer. There are so many colors out there, people! If your vision is really that centric on the blue hue, there's a very nice show in Las Vegas featuring bald-headed men in turtlenecks and body paint that I'm sure you will love.
3. Thou Shalt Not Inhabit Thy Lawn with Inflatable Charachters

A few animatromic reindeer and the occasional robotic polar bear are nothing to blow the whistle about. But let me be clear: if it requires a motorized pump and more than two square feet of lawn space, it does not belong in your Christmas display. I cannot tell you how many times I've driven through a neighborhood, enjoying a perfectly quaint and elegant array of Christmas decor, only to be jarred from my holiday joy by a larger-than-necessary Santa or Snowman, smiling eerily and glowing in garish proportions. I can handle the cheese and pomp on many other holidays -- Halloween, anyone? -- but at Christmastime it does nothing but make me wrinkle my nose and utter a "bah humbug" or two under my breath.
And there you have it, kiddos. Follow these to the best of your ability, and I can almost gaurantee you won't be the neighborhood eyesore this holiday season. So let it be written, so let it be done.

Ha! I love Katies advice. However, I'm gonna go ahead and speak my 2 cents and say you can never possibly have too many Christmas decorations. The more ridiculous the better, I always say! Kind of my life motto. ;) Thanks Katie!!


Emma Frances said...

I love Katie and her awesome blog! And I also love this post! :) And I'm gonna have to agree with Katie on this one! Some Christmas decorations are just way out there!

Carlie said...

I love looking at (other people's) Christmas lights! I don't know if I will ever go "all-out" like some people do because I may be a tad lazy when it comes to that, but if I do, I will take your advice into consideration Katie! =)

Elizabeth and Kyle @ Love Is the Adventure said...

Agreed. I think inflatable/animatronic anything is kind of cheating but what do I know?

Great list!

LaynahRose said...

haa. I love her advice, but um, you're definitely allowed to go all out on christmas. Like the christmas tree you cant even see through ornaments? Totally acceptable.

Elisabeth said...

Katie!! I love this! Super hilarious. :) :)

katilda said...

you know, scruples has a REAL meaning but i just always thought it sounded like it should be a kind of cereal...and that qualified it as a nice word in my book. thanks for hosting my posting (no...terrible joke...) in any case!

andy brienne said...

My coworkers think I am crazy for how hard I am laughing at this right now. This is hilarious. As are you.

Elise Frederickson said...

Love me some Katilda. :)

Kylie said...

Haha! Oh blue lights. Seriously. And my husband....he wants them blow-up thangs when we have a yard. Pray for me.