Okay you guys. This is really scary. This is something I've thought about sharing since about February...but I wimped out every time I got the feeling I needed to share it. I'm still a wimp actually. Maybe you'll be really nice to me and I'll feel better and we can get through this together? Yes?! I knew I loved you guys!
Honestly, my heart feels like it's beating out of my chest just thinking about actually putting this in black and white. It's silly, really. However, I know that I need to share this. It's not a "kind of know". I know that not sharing it would be going against divine guidance to share this. here. with you.
Sorry that's cheesy. It's true.
The words just aren't coming. Gosh darn it.
Ultimately, I started my blog for me. It was a fun, easy hobby that I could fit into my schedule. Through blogging, I've met incredible friends that are, no doubt, heaven sent. But really, I've always said that if my blog helped even one person, it would fulfill its purpose. I hope that this helps even one person. I have a feeling it will. Who knows, maybe this is really the whole reason I was guided to start my blog in the first place!
I've beaten around the bush so much there's no bush left!
Now you'll know what I was really talking about here, and in several other similar posts around that time.
Time to spit it out. I go to therapy. I know, right? That's the place where crazies go that are too weak to handle life right? That's what I thought too... until I actually went. I finally decided to go under the guidance of my bishop. Even making the appointment with him was scary. I went in, and sobbed my life story out to him, feeling like I was at rock bottom. He didn't think I was hopeless. He saw so much potential. He just knew that I needed some help at this point. And you know,
it's okay to need help.
I will never forget my first meeting with my kind therapist, Julie. It was right after Clint and I had gotten engaged. Stress and emotions were already high. She kept telling me how brave I was. Honestly, I felt like a cowering mouse. Brave was the last thing I felt. But through going, I realized it's the most courageous thing you can do when you're dealt certain cards.I felt like someone finally understood a piece of how I worked and what I went through, and wanted to hold my hand through it. In several sessions we cried together as I relived little pieces of my past. She helped me sort things through, and make a little sense of it all.
Therapy doesn't cure things for you, it give the tools you need to heal over time.
If you're reading this thinking "I can't believe she's sharing this! How dumb!" Then I have two guesses. Either (1) You haven't gone through the kind of thing I'm talking about or probably the more likely answer (2) you haven't dealt with your heartache. In which case my heart goes out to you. But really, I would hate to pass those judgments on you, so I'd like if you showed me the same respect. I don't have a reason to be ashamed of needing help. One of the great things I've learned in therapy is that I have a say! I can't tell you how good that feels.
So why do I go? When you go through those really gut wrenching hardships, it changes you. Everyone knows it can make you better, or it can crush you. While I'm not going to share specifics, I decided to go to therapy because I knew I wasn't going to let things get me bitter. I want to come out better. I knew God gave me my challenges because he knew I could make it through them. He has faith in ME! How powerful is that! Not only could I make it through them, but going through them would shape me into the person He wants me to be. Through my trials, I can become more like Jesus Christ.
You can too.
okay deep breaths. Am I really posting this? If you're reading this, I guess I did! Go me!